No Control
by Lhmac
Summary: No one has any control over their own destiny, but since when has The Doctor accepted his own insignificance. He'll either get her back or give up completely...
1. Prologue

**This is a sequel to Without You by my Side. You don't have to read that one first, it just might clarify a few little things later on in the story. Read on, but if you see something you don't understand (in other chapters) then feel free to go back to it.**

**Hooray for sequels! I hope you all love me for this chapter, because you asked for it! Just because it is a sequel, doesn't mean it is about the same thing. It is eventually set after Without You by my Side - although not right away. Okay, so you might hate me for this story, too. But you've gotta admit, I do it well. **

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The Doctor was never the kind of man to obsess over anything. Of course, he wasn't a man, but there was nothing that made one feel more human than losing a loved one - and being powerless to stop it. The Doctor was used to being in control - both of his own destiny and that of his companions. Everything usually turned out okay in the end, but even though Rose had promised to stay with him, she had gone. She had chosen him, and that was what made it all the worse to lose her.

Yes, it had been sad that he had lost Rose, the companion who showed him what life could be like again - who infused him with energy and even saved him from death more than once, but he couldn't live his life thinking about her.

He never wanted the same thing to happen again. His hearts could take one loss before its time, but another loss would make him a wreck. The Doctor no longer let himself get close to anyone. He still invited interesting and worthy humans into his TARDIS , but he couldn't help comparing them to Rose.

He made sure that he didn't think about her too much, but in blocking his humanity, he hardened his heart against any other companion he gained. He lost his passion for the human race, for adventure and for saving worlds.

It was harder to stop himself from thinking of Rose when he continually felt the TARDIS miss Rose. She had, after all, taken the time vortex into herself - no one could be quite the same after that particular experience. The TARDIS had also formed an uninentional bond with the bonde human girl, but she wouldn't let it go as The Doctor had. The TARDIS only ever had Rose, but The Doctor had said goodbye to too many companions to let this one girl bother him.

'But she was something special.' Always came in at the back of his mind whenever he was alone. 'The TARDIS never becomes friends with anyone, and you've never been so close to telling anyone you love them.' Sometimes he could have sworn that the little voice in his head was actually the voice of Rose speaking to him, and sometimes he saw her in the corner of his eye, laughing at his jokes, or glaring sternly at him whenever he was rude. Gradually, just to make the visions fade, The Doctor stopped telling his jokes, stopped grinning and exclaiming impossible insults to his enemies.

In time, The Doctor was no longer The Doctor... and it was all because of one girl, some Cybermen, Daleks and The Void. He different than he had been - no longer any semblance of a man, he buried his emotions too far down for even him to see. He was no longer himself, and as the years went by he changed his personality without changing his face. It was as if he had died because he lost Rose - and indeed, he had died inside.

He had no control over his emotions, so he got rid of them. He lost control over the TARDIS and her emotions, so he blocked himself from her. When he had no control over his companions, he asked them to leave. He ached for control to return to him - to be normal once more. But everything was impossible since Rose had been taken from him.

**

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See? Now wasn't that fun? You love me for bringing The Doctor back... but he seems to be in the same situation as Rose, doesn't he? It is impossibe for the two to ever be reunited, so how's The Doctor ever going to get over his grief? Only time will tell. Don't kill me or stop reading yet, or you won't ever find out what's going to happen.**

**I think it might look a bit jumbled. I couldn't get my thoughts to work out in a neat little story, so i gave up and just wrote whatever came to mind. Some time i might be able to re-write it with the benefit of hindsight. Who doesn't like hindsight?**

**Mikkifavo**


	2. The TARDIS takes control

**Thanks to my very first reviewer for this story RagamuffinSundrop. Thought that the momentus occasion of a first review beared acknowledgement. And, of course, my second reviewer TaniaaAARGHHELPMEHELPgurgle. I'll be sure to put those purple chiff-chaffs somewhere... lol. I'm just thinking about where I could possibly stick purple chiff-chaffs. Wait. That sounded rude. I didn't mean it how it sounded... really...**

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The Doctor had practically thrown Diego out of his TARDIS.

"Did I do something wrong, John?" He asked as The Doctor turned to go back to the TARDIS alone.

"No." The Doctor said softly. "It's just that everyone has to go home sometime."

"But why only a year?" The Doctor flinched at the question. He wasn't going to let himself think about the answer to that question.

"Just because." The Doctor sighed, still not turning to face his companion of the past year. He was ready to let the young man go, as he had done first to Martha and then to so many others over the years. They called him John. His name was John Smith to any of his companions, and he didn't ever want to hear anybody call him The Doctor again. That was for... No, he couldn't think of her. Diego was in front of him once more and looking right into The Doctor's sad eyes.

"What happened to you, that you can't ever let anyone in?" He asked softly. The Doctor hardened his gaze and looked over Diego's shoulder to the TARDIS. He ignored the last thing that Diego would ever say to him as he pushed past and walked purposefully back to the TARDIS. There was no tearful goodbye. Not even a happy or friendly goodbye. John Smith was not that kind of man.

As The Doctor - this hardened John Smith alien-thing - walked into the TARDIS, it started to make the unearthly screeching that only came when the TARDIS was using all of it's energy to move by itself.

The TARDIS was taking The Doctor somewhere.

"Stop!" He exclaimed angrily. In doing so, he acknowledged the TARDIS's living status once again and accidentally flooded his mind with memories. He remembered that there was once a time when he would never have yelled at his beloved TARDIS, and he felt the guilty feeling wrench at his heart before he could push it back down.

"You're making me weak again." He growled at the console. He felt her communicate her own feelings in his head and felt a surge of grief for Rose that he had not felt for at least fifty years.

"You can't make me remember her." He said through gritted teeth, holding onto his head and willing the memories to go away, but the memories were quick to fill his mind in his moment of weakness after they had spent so many years trying to push their way through his mental barriers and back into his consciousness. Memories of her smile, her blonde hair, how beautiful she looked in a dress, the way that she trusted him unquestioningly and the way she had told him in her wonderfully stubborn way 'I made my choice a long time ago and I'm never going to leave you.' enveloped his mind like a warm comforting blanket before the one long, excruciatingly deadly memory of losing her made its way through the cracks.

"No!" He screamed, falling to his knees on the grate floor of the TARDIS. "Rose!" He had done it. He had said her name out loud, and now he was back to being the broken man who had lost the one human to make him feel... human. He thought he saw someone out of the corner of his eye, and when he turned, it seemed as if a blonde woman had skipped around the corner. He ignored it, instead dragging himself up to the console. "Why?" He whispered sadly into the warm metal of his beloved TARDIS. "Why now, old girl? I don't want to remember now." The TARDIS only shuddered in response as it touched down on solid ground once more. "I don't want to be plagued by her memory, by my failure." He breathed. He took a few deep breaths and stood up again.

"Where are we?" He demanded harshly. There was no answer, the TARDIS now seemed to have retreated back into itself and was no longer communicating with The Doctor at all.

"Fine!" He huffed before making his way to the door. "Fine, I'll go out. But you won't be able to do anything like this again until a long time in the future. Remember that." His steely gaze and hardened hearts had returned. No one was EVER going to force him into weakness for long, and hopefully he would be ready the next time the TARDIS tried a surprise attack. If he was himself - the stony John Smith, then he would never have stepped outside the door, but there was enough of The Doctor still in his mind to subconsciously trust wherever the TARDIS would take him.

**

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Hey, hey. Is this a depressing Doctor or what?  
Aren't I cruel?  
I'm still not telling you what's going on.  
But I'll tell you a letter (which means absolutely nothing until you know the rest of the word) 'S'  
Hehe. Sorry. I'm mean, I know**

**Mikkifavo**

**Hmm. When i thought about that for awhile, I wondered whether my letter should actually be 'F'. Cryptic, I know, but it's probably coming up in the next chapter. **


	3. She said Forever

**I have to publicly thank my first reviewer for my second chapter - horsefly. Maybe the Doctor should be happy...  
****i wonder if anyone actually bothers to read my ramblings. I like to go on and on and on about nothing... i also like reviews... no, actually, I LOVE reviews. So if you're reading this and not just skimming it to get to the "good stuff" then i would love to get some reviews to make me feel all happy and important.  
****Ever talked to someone about Doctor Who who has absolutely NEVER watched the show? I almost fell off my chair laughing when someone asked me what the TARDIS was... you know who you are, and i'm not going to rub it in. I accept that sci-fi is not for everybody just as long as you... well... i don't know what i was going to say there. What do people have to say to each other when they're not discussing the complex worlds of anything sci-fi/fantasy related?  
****Sorry, I'm being insulting again... at least, I might be. Is that what i am now? Rude and not ginger?  
****Anyway... on to the so called "good stuff"**

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When The Doctor stepped out of the TARDIS door, he only had to turn to the side before he saw a very familiar face... 

"Ooh. The Face of Boe!" The Doctor exclaimed with absolutely no enthusiasm at all. He had lost too much of his patience throughout the years to show enthusiasm about an old friend - one that he had first met because of... NO! He stopped that train of thought right there. He wasn't going to think about... that person.

"I see that you look the same this time." The Doctor almost smiled… almost. He couldn't bring himself to smile any more. "But you have changed, Doctor."

"Yes." The Doctor sighed. "I have changed. Too much. Don't call me that, I don't go by that name any more."

"Why would you not go by your own name any more?"

"Because it is no longer me."

"I don't understand how someone can change that much, Doctor."

"Don't call me that." The Doctor said dangerously. "My name is John. Just leave it at that."

"What could possibly force you to change yourself?" The Face of Boe's voice in his head actually sounded concerned for him, and this made John Smith's resolve fade dramatically.

"I just wanted everything to stay the same." He whined softly as his face crumpled.

"Oh." The gently concerned voice continued to shake John Smith out of The Doctor's system. "It's been at least a hundred years and you still carry your pain around with you wherever you go."

"I don't know why." The Doctor commented bitterly, ignoring the screaming voice in his mind telling him to stop remembering. "She'd be dead by now, even if she had stayed with me."

"So it was a girl." The Face of Boe mumbled wistfully, closing his eyes dreamily. "A girl without your life span. I remember the days when I used to fall in love."

"Great." The Doctor growled slightly. He really was not in the mood for speaking cryptically with The Face of Boe. He wasn't in the mood for speaking with anyone, really. He had just dumped yet another companion that he had hardly gotten to know in the past year.

It hadn't been like that right after Rose had left. He had tried with Martha, he really had, but she was no Rose. He had to give up her, and indeed all of his companions for the memory of Rose. No one could take her place in his life and his heart. She had made so much of an impact without either of them realising it.

The Doctor's life now belonged to John Smith because he couldn't live with the regret. He should have done so much more. He should have told her he loved her - so many times. He should have given her so much more of himself. He should have double-checked her lever so that she wouldn't have had to let go... he should have shielded her from so many evil things and bad experiences.

He shook his head slightly, clearing his mind and looking passively at The Face of Boe - though he hated him inside for bringing these hurtful memories to the surface of his mind.

"Are you finished feeling sorry for yourself?" The Face of Boe prodded him in his mind. "Your self-pity is humiliating for one of your distinguished history. Did I choose wrong when I chose to give you the secrets of the universe?"

"Maybe you did." The Doctor pointed out sulkily. "If I reacted this badly to losing a human, then maybe I don't deserve anything any more." The Face of Boe sighed. "She wasn't just any human, though." He conceded.

"I never got to tell her I loved her." The Doctor told him sadly.

"And because you loved and lost you decided to harden your hearts to anyone else who could possible get close to you."

"If it stops that from ever happening again, then it's worth it."

"But you, Doctor, you were once so full of life. Full of passion, full of patience... full of love. How could losing one human change all of that?" The Doctor could see that The Face of Boe was leading him to a conclusion in his own mind, but he was too busy checking his own thoughts, his memories, because right now he wanted the same thing.

"Because she said forever." The Doctor breathed. He wondered briefly why he was sharing his most intimate thoughts with The Face of Boe after all these years.

"She promised you something she couldn't give."

"I don't care." The Doctor said confidently. "She said forever."

"And maybe she gave you more of forever than you thought."

"What could you possibly mean by that?"

"Maybe you should take a look behind you."

**

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I have to get this story out before season 3 starts. I've read some very interesting spoilers... **

(don't kill me for the quote. i changed it coz i'm not a man)

Please review. I get review withdrawals throughout the day when I'm at work.

Mikkifavo

By the way, there's still an 'S' if anyone's interested.


	4. What is it?

**Horsefly was the first to review my new chapter again, and I am beginning to like this 'first reviewer' game. I got a NEW reviewer as well (i'm doing my 'new reviewer dance), from my very own merry old land of Aus (wait, i'm in the wrong section for that quote). Blaidd Drwg, i****t's always good to see Aussie Doctor Who fans - there aren't enough of us in my opinion. **

**On with the show... i had a cliffhanger... hanging here somewhere. **

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The Doctor eagerly spun to see what was behind him. Nothing but the TARDIS. He looked back at The Face of Boe suspiciously. 

"I don't get it." He stated flatly, not sure as to why he was so disappointed.

"Oh. Doctor." The Face of Boe smiled, but there was no hint of amusement in his voice. "Don't you see it? You have hope. You have her love."

"That's not what I want. That's not what she meant when she said... she'd stay with me forever." The Doctor finished sadly and sat down on a conveniently placed bench, which may or may not have meant that The Face of Boe was expecting him. "Is that what she meant?" He asked despairingly. "That her love would stay with me when she could no longer BE with me?"

"Something like that." When The Doctor heard the familiar female voice and felt a hand on his shoulder, he jumped up. He stood facing Rose and blinked at her.

"This is impossible... You'd be dead now... You're not real, are you?" He stuttered out Rose sighed.

"I'm afraid you're right, Doctor. I'm only in your head, but I said I'd be with you forever, and this is the first time you've let me keep that promise."

"But you're not really here. How can you keep that promise considering you're not... Rose."

"That's the thing, though, isn't it." She smiled slightly. "Just because I'm not here, it doesn't mean I'm not Rose. I live in your memory, in your heart. My love for you is... me."

"But..."

"And a part of you lives with Rose as well. Although with your stubborn nature, I'm not sure how long you will stay before you make up some lame excuse about her being happy."

"I would?"

"Oh Doctor. I know you better than you know yourself. I know how much you ache to have her back, how much you wish it wasn't impossible."

"It can be possible." Both The Doctor and Rose looked up at The Face of Boe, realising for the first time since they had been speaking that they were not alone.

"How can you see me?" Rose accused. "I'm only for The Doctor to see."

"Because I'm telepathic, child." He told her patiently. "I can see what's in his mind, and I'v been seeing you since he got here."

"She was here before I could see her?" The Doctor was becoming increasingly confused at how things were turning out. He had no idea how he could see a perfect version of Rose, and how he could even feel her. As he remembered the feeling of her touch on his shoulder, he yearned to be touching her smooth skin with his hands again. His fingers were itching to be holding clutching hers once more, to be entwined with her familiar digits again.

"I thought that just for once I could have The Doctor all to myself." Rose grumbled. The Doctor could do nothing but look between the two. He was still ecstatically stunned from seeing Rose again. She was exactly as he remembered her, even if it had been over 100 years.

"I'm only a picture in your mind." Rose pointed out as if she had just read his thoughts. "There's no way I could possibly change unless you wanted me to."

"A timeless version of Rose." The Doctor uttered. He smiled shyly. She ran a finger along his cheek

"I am whatever you want me to be as long as I'm still Rose." She told him slyly.

"Doctor. She's not really there." The Face of Boe was sounding concerned again, and now The Doctor was getting annoyed at his interruptions, as if he had an alterior motive for his apprehension.

"Why does it matter just as long as she's here." The Doctor stated contentedly, finally giving in to his urge to touch her and holding her hand to the side of his face. "And I can tell Rose I love her, like I've wanted to do for so long."

"But that is not going to make up for your mistakes." The Doctor sighed impatiently and tore his eyes away from the beauty of his Rose.

"I can make up for whatever I want." He huffed. "I have her back, and that's all that matters to me."

"But what if you could REALLY have her back?" There was a warning buzz from the TARDIS at the back of his mind. It seemed that the TARDIS had only sent him here to let Rose out of his mind, and there was something sinister about being able to have what you truly desire.

"What?" The Doctor ignored the TARDIS's warning in his mind, and dropped Rose's hand. The thought of a real Rose intrigued him more than any figment of his imagination ever would.

"We could go back to her?" Rose asked hopefully. The Doctor frowned and looked at her again.

"What ARE you?" He asked.

"I told you already. I am a part of Rose." She crossed her arms stubbornly. "And a part of you at the same time, which means I want to get her back as much as you do."

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I LOVE all of your comments about non DW fans who are your friends. (sighs) i know so few fans of the show myself. I don't know many sci-fi nuts at all, come to think of it. **

**I'm sorry to say that for a long time, instead of writing up this chapter, I was looking up witty quoteables. I thought that in way of apology I could share some with you.**

**"Fat People are harder to kidnap." (see? I'm still being rude)**

**"My karma ran over your dogma."**

**(and something for the sake of poor old Rose)  
"Warning: I brake for hallucinations."**

**I have many more, which I will most likely be sharing with you later to get the word count up for my next few chapters. (yes, i AM that petty).**

**Please Review.**

**Mikkifavo**


	5. Destiny

**Scout Girl was the first to review chapter four! This game is fun. It's always great to thank my reviewers. Thanks for being my first reviewer :)**

**Can I just say that I'm sorry it looked like The Face of Boe was changing his mind as to whether he wanted Rose there or not. My 'fake' Rose was introduced so that The Face of Boe could give him the hope of getting the real Rose back. Boe did not really just change his mind.**

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The TARDIS still hummed cautiously in The Doctor's mind, but his curiousity as to what The Face of Boe could possibly offer him to be reunited with Rose blocked all the possible dangers from his mind. What could possibly be threatening about an offer from The Face of Boe? He had dealt with the kindly old alien before, and he HAD promised to share his secrets with him. His fingers snaked into Rose's as he approached The Face of Boe for the fist time since he had arrived. 

"What is it?" He inquired in barely a whisper. "How could I possibly get my Rose back?"

"By trusting in my knowledge..."

"And what knowledge is that?"

"The knowledge of the destiny that you have no control over." The Face of Boe's voice was still calm and even, but the words had turned sinister. "I have a secret."

"Yes?" The Doctor was standing right in front of The Face of Boe, looking into his eyes. Rose hung back a little, still grasping The Doctor's hand tightly.

"I've lived a long and joyous life, Doctor, and now I think it's time for you to do the same."

"I already have a long life ahead of me. A long, lonely life."

"You could have a longer life. Infinite."

"Immortality? Me?" The Doctor stepped back to Rose. "I don't want it."

"But you have no choice, Doctor. This is the path the universe has laid for you."

"It's not what I want."

"Yes. I know there's only one thing that you want, and i can give her back to you."

"At what price, though?"

"The universe only wants a balance... there needs to be a-"

"Is this your immortality that you're giving up? You want me to take it so that you can die?"

"Doctor-"

"And even if I do get her back, giving me immortality is only going to make it worse when she's gone!" The Doctor was gradually moving backwards towards the TARDIS because Rose was tugging him along. The Doctor was still curious as to what The Face of Boe meant about making him immortal. That was impossible, in any sense of the word. And getting Rose back... that was impossible, too. What did he propose to do?

"You could have power beyond your imagination. You could finally have control..."

"HOW!" The Doctor finally yelled, stopping short and pulling his hand out of Rose's. "How do I get her back and keep her?" He asked resolutely.  
"With the Skasis Paradigm." The Doctor now took a huge step backwards and ran right into Rose.

"Oi! I'm really here, you know." Rose protested.

"Sorry." He told her, pivoted to face her. Rose smiled at him, but as she looked over his shoulder, she froze and looked scared.

"What?" The Doctor frowned and started to turn again. Rose grabbed his shoulders and kept his eyes on hers.

"Don't turn around." She told him fearfully.

"Why not?" He questioned her calmly. "What's behind me?"

"The... the... The Face of Boe, he..."

"He what?" The Doctor asked her evenly.

"Face me, Doctor, so that you can see your destiny!" The Face of Boe called into his mind.

"He doesn't really have... he can't have... the Skasis Paradigm, can he?" The Doctor was looking at Rose pleadingly, willing her to tell him that everything was going to be alright. Rose only gave a slight inclination of her head, and The Doctor immediately looked concerned.

"Just back away towards the TARDIS." He breathed to her. "I'm not ever going to look."

"I can still hear you." The Face of Boe told him. "Whispering is not going to stop me."

"Well then listen to this!" The Doctor exclaimed, closing his eyes before spinning around to face him. "I WILL NOT look! I don't want whatever you're offering." He had his back up against the TARDIS door now, and reached into his suit for the key. When he did not find it there, he checked his trouser pockets, patting himself down in a panic.

"Looking for this?" The Face of Boe asked him.

"How could you... why would you...?"

"I told you already, Doctor. You have no choice. This is your destiny."

"I told YOU already. I don't want it!"

"You only have to look once, open your eyes and give it one glance, then your TARDIS key will be returned to you and you can go on your way."

"One glance is all I need to have it seared in my mind for all of time.. I can't look."

"I did, and it didn't kill me." The Doctor almost opened his eyes to give The Face of Boe a startled gaze.

"That was obvious, or you wouldn't have my TARDIS key." He pointed out.

"Why do you want me to look so badly, anyway? I would ruin history, scew up the timeline by bringing the Time Lords back into existence."

"Why would you want to bring them back?" The Face of Boe inquired.

"Because they were my people."

"But you disowned them even before the Time War."

"That's not the point. It was all my fault." The Doctor started off stongly and finished sadly. He felt Rose take hold of his hand once more.

"That is why you need to look, Doctor, to see how all the plans of the universe come into effect."

"But I could have the power to do whatever I wanted. Just like..." The Doctor once again resisted the urge to open his eyes. "You can do anything." He stated flatly.

"I have the power to do some things, yes. But imagine the power of the Skasis Paradigm in the hands of a Time Lord. All the wisdom and knowledge of all of time. You could do anything, manipulate anything... keep the one you love."

"No, I couldn't do that without her permission."

"One look, Doctor, and all of your desires will become reality. The universe will be safe in the hands of gods."

"I do not wish to become immortal. Everything has to die some time."

"Ahh, but the Paradigm does more than give you what you need, it gives the universe what it needs. Why do you think I'm even here, talking to you about something you don't want to do. You think I want to force this on you?"

"Are you telling me that you're not in control of yourself?"

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Thought that was a fun place to leave it. I'm getting as hooked on cliffhangers as I am on reviews. If the spelling or grammar sucked, please tell me. I'm in no mood for checking over it. My brain wouldn't register the mistakes because i'm sick, so i can't be bothered.**

"See, that's the thing. I'm the Doctor, but beyond that, I - I just don't know. I literally do not know who I am. It's all untested. Am I funny? Am I sarcastic? Sexy?Right old misery? Life and soul? Right-handed? Left-handed? A gambler? A fighter? A coward? A traitor? A liar? A nervous wreck? I mean, judging by the evidence, I've certainly got a gob."

(hehe. had to put that quote in)

"Time is what keeps things from happening all at once." (he SHOULD say that one)

Please review. Thanks for reading, but reviews would be great.

Mikkifavo


	6. The Face of Boe?

**Congrats to Adelian who was so excited to be my first reviewer for chapter 5. I should discontinue this game before it gets out of hand… Nah. It's too much fun to thank individual reviewers for their specific reviews.**

**Sorry it took longer than usual to get this chapter up. I wasn't completely sure as to how I was gonna make The Doctor look – or even if he would, but I decided to just write as it comes to me. **

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"Am I in control of myself? Of course I am Doctor. I am a willing participator in this idea that belongs to the universe. If the universe needs a hero, a god to fight for what's good - as you have been doing all your years, then I'd love to help it achieve it's fondest wish."

"The universe can't think for itself. It is not a living entity."

"And yet the alternate universe pulled you in to save it from the cybermen? Yet you always land your TARDIS in a troubled spot that needs your help? Something is guiding you, Doctor, and all you can do is accept it."

"If it WAS the universe guiding me, then why not change me without the Skasis Paradigm. Why wasn't I created a god? Why doesn't it create its own gods? I can see through the lies, and I don't trust in anything you say any more. What happened to the old Face of Boe that I knew so long ago and taught to see the world anew?"

"He saw the Skasis Paradigm!" The Face of Boe's telepathic voice had turned sinister once more. "I knew you'd come to him, Doctor, I had to find a new way to ensnare you when my last attempt failed."

"You were behind the Krillatine's scheme? Who are you?"

"A threat the likes of which you have never seen, Doctor. An enemy with no face and no compassion for you. Pure evil."

"I've battled THINGS." The Doctor spat out the word. "That call themselves the ultimate evil before. And you know what? They were fake."

"Doctor. I can destroy you right now. Destroy the one you love and the world that was her home."

"If you could, you wouldn't need a Time Lord."

"So you're not taking my threat seriously?" It was a strange thing to say, and The Face of Boe sounded both disappointed and happy at the same time.

"You're still in there, then?" The Doctor asked sympathetically, almost opening his eyes yet again as he felt the familiar sting behind them that he always tried so hard to keep back. "You're a prisoner in your own mind."

"Stop addressing him." The Face of Boe demanded in his awful mind-numbing voice again. He felt The Face of Boe move closer.

"He's coming towards you." Rose said from behind him. He had forgotten that she was there – or not there, as the case was. And for a split second he thought he had his Rose back, stating the obvious as she had that first time when he had been fighting the Sycorax leader. 'Look out.' Humans were so good at yelling things that other people had already realised. The Doctor let himself get lost in his memories for a second there, in a dire circumstance with an enemy standing – or more literally suspended in a container of liquid – right in front of him. "I'm still me, you can still share those memories with me." Rose whispered to him – also in spite of the situation they were in, but she was slightly more focused. "But after we get out of this, yeah?" The Doctor looked down at The Face of Boe, he would have been meeting his eye with his normal steely glare, but Rose hadn't exactly told him where he shouldn't look, so he kept his eyes closed.

"What exactly do you want with me?" The Doctor asked patiently.

"If I told you, then you wouldn't exactly come along nicely now, would you?"

"Well, no. But you can still tell me what your evil plan is, right? What do you want to do? Disrupt someone's timeline? Uhh… What can you do already anyway. How did you get my TARDIS key?"

"If I told you that-"

"I know, I know. And I don't care. I just want that key back and I want to get out of here. Wait. No. I want you to let go of The Face of Boe so that he can be free again."

"Then you want something impossible. He looked at my Paradigm and he was lost in its power. There is nothing you can do to separate us."

"Except look at the Paradigm myself?"

"Yes."

"Aha! So you have to transfer yourself to something else…" The Doctor said thoughtfully. He felt telepathic rage come from The Face of Boe. "You don't like me learning your secrets, do you? Cause it means that I'll figure this all out and then be able to stop you."

"Believe me, Doctor." The Face of Boe's voice in his head was extremely soft. He was moving away from him, too. "We'll meet again, and you will not have your pretty little defence against me. There will be nothing standing in between me and ultimate power and you will bow down before it, Time Lord."

The Doctor sensed that The Face of Boe had left the room, beamed himself out again, and he turned to Rose, but still didn't open his eyes. Rose placed her hands on the sides of his head.

"Yes. He's gone." She told him softly. The Doctor opened his eyes to look deep into hers. "I know. I'm sorry we couldn't save him, too. The Face of Boe was a good friend… Well, you know, he seemed like it, seeing as how his face seemed to be everywhere we went." She said it in the same way that Rose would have, and The Doctor's eyes finally filled with tears. "You don't have to cry." She told him. "I'm here, and as long as you still want me here, I'll be with you."

"I never want you to leave." He told her, sliding into a hug and wondering how strange it would look to anyone who would have been watching him hugging nothing. "You saved me." He mumbled into her shoulder as he leant down on it. "If you hadn't of been here…"

"Shhh." Rose whispered. "There's no point thinking of the what-ifs. Just be happy that you let me in, Doctor, be happy that we're together again."

**

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Sorry if this gets confusing. You know, I think it's gonna get a whole lot more confusing coz I can't make up my mind where this is gonna go. Actually, I know exactly how this ends, I just don't know how I'm gonna get there. I'm hoping my rambling isn't digging me into a hole.**

Haha! Got microsoft word and my spell-checker back. I can't believe how many errors I've made in past chapters, even though I checked them all out. (okay, so most of them were in my long and boring ANs, which I don't check, but I still had a bunch of them in my chapters. That sucks.)

Review, review, review. I think this chapter was a load of rubbish, and I'm glad I actually had a resolution, but I'll get back to my idea soon. Hopefully next chapter will actually have some kind of revalation. :)

Mikkifavo


	7. Back to the TARDIS

**New chapter. Thanks to horsefly, my first reviewer again. Thanks to all of you for making me feel better about a lousy chapter. **

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The Doctor decided to check out his surroundings for the first time since he had stepped out of the TARDIS. It was someone's home. The room they were in was either a study or a library. It had a deep red carpet, but the walls could not be seen at all as there were bookshelves lining them that ran right up to the ceiling there was no sign of the door in amongst all the books, either.

There was a large gold-coloured table in the centre of the room where Rose was standing staring at a book next to an old-fashioned computer. The computer was more likely to be there for atmosphere than any kind of information source, which made The Doctor suspect that the place may have belonged to The Face of Boe.

"I think it does." Rose called out to him, drawing his attention to the book she was looking at which turned out to be a photo album.

On the page the photo album was open to, there was a picture of was a young man. The Doctor recognised the face, but couldn't place where he had seen it before. He stared at the man for a long time before realising it was Boe. It must be his home, and he also wasn't just a face, once upon a time. Who knew how long ago that had been?

Maybe he could check around to see what had caused his dramatic change in personality. Who or what could possibly make The Face of Boe look at the Skasis Paradigm? He was so wise and old. The Doctor had been looking forward to hearing the secret that he had carried around for so long.

"He said that he would tell you his secret the next time he saw you." Rose told him sadly, walking in front of him and running her hand over the bookshelves that lined the walls. The Doctor watched her glide along for a second, then stared back down at the photo album. He did not turn the page, just watched it and wondered why it was out on the table and open to this particular page. Maybe The Face of Boe was just reminiscing, but maybe not…

He finally plucked up the courage to turn the page, and as he suspected, there was nothing on it. He picked the large leather bound book up with some difficulty and noticed a squarish hole underneath it in the table.

"Curious." He said thoughtfully. At this word, Rose was instantly at his side. The Doctor couldn't stop the smile that stretched across his face at the fond memories she brought back to him.

"What's curious?" She asked curiously in the tone that she always reserved for asking that kind of silly question. The Doctor reached into the small indent in the table and pulled out something the size and thickness of a postage stamp. It was brown and smooth and looked completely useless.

"What's it for?" Rose asked him, reaching out as if to touch it.

"I have no idea." The Doctor commented cheerfully.

"But if it was hidden in that hole-thingy, then it has to be important."

"Yes. It seems The Face of Boe did have a secret, after all."

"Yeah. We never doubted that one." Rose stated airily. "That… thing, whatever it was had to want him for a reason." She turned serious suddenly and The Doctor looked thoughtful for a second. He looked down at the floor and saw his TARDIS key shining on the carpet. He picked it up quickly, placing the small square item into his suit pocket.

"I think we should get out of here right now." He told her sternly. Rose looked around the room again and shivered.

"I think so too." She agreed. "There's… something about this place…"

OIOIOIOIOIOI

"So where do you want to go?" The Doctor was so ecstatically happy to have Rose back in his TARDIS that he seemed to have forgotten everything that had just happened. Although since there was nothing he could do until the next time he had to meet The Face of Boe, he decided not to dwell on the seriousness of the situation. He wouldn't come back to Boe until he knew something more and that may take some pondering, and there was no better time for pondering the mysteries of life than when he was with Rose.

"As long as I'm with you, it doesn't matter where we go." Rose told him happily. "We can go wherever you'd like, and I think I know where you'd like to go." She stood next to him in front of the TARDIS console and placed her hand on top of his. "Now you've got me back with you, I know exactly where you want to go." The Doctor grinned at her and nodded. He left her hand lying on top of his as he began to press buttons and turn nobs, setting coordinates into the TARDIS.

"That's the place that I never wanted to go back to without you." He said softly as the loud whirring of the TARDIS began. "And there's no place that I'd rather take you back to, no matter how many years have gone by."

"I know, and I always loved you for it." She told him, squeezing the hand that was underneath her own. "No matter what, you always took me back home. We should go to see her."

"No, first I want to go to another time with you."

"Yeah. I knew you would."

"Can we just pretend that you can't read my mind and it'll be a surprise?" He asked her gently. She responded by kissing his cheek.

"I'll do anything you want me to, my Doctor." She whispered in his ear.

**

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Well, that chapter was a lot better - in my opinion, anyway. Writer's opinions don't always match the reader's opinions, so reviews are a great insight. I'm getting there, I promise. Something... well... hopefully _something's _happening in this story, right?**

Review, review, review. I love reviews. I reply to them, too. So if you feel you're doing something for nothing, believe me, I take the time to respond to reviews.

Mikkifavo


	8. London, a Kiss and a Secret

**Thankyou to my first reviewer Tania. The first review is always the most entertaining (at least I think it is, its been so long. Anyway, thanks Tania. I had a lotta laughs reading it.)**

**If you want to blame someone for how long it took me to update this chapter (although it wasn't really that long) then take it up with my family. I have four brothers and one computer. My Mum also uses my computer, so it gets really hard to find a time to write when my little brothers are not playing some stupid game which I think might be called runescape. In my need for a time of my own, it is now 4.30am and I got up this early just so that I could finish the chapter and post. I hope you're happy, coz I am. :)**

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The Doctor had meant to go to the day when he had lost her at Torchwood. He wanted to see all of the Daleks falling back towards the void and remember that it was her bravery that had saved the earth – again.

When he stepped out of the TARDIS, holding on to Rose's hand to lead her, he sensed that this was not the right day.

"Missed again I see." Rose commented with a light tone, but she was frowning. I was sure I set in the right coordinates, Rose. I haven't overshot 21st century London since…"

"I remember that time." Rose laughed. "Mum gave you such a slap that you were whining about it for the next couple of hours."

"I was not."

"See? It was exactly like that." As Rose laughed, her eyes shone with joy. In his fascination with her shining eyes, The Doctor let his gaze linger a little too long on her features. When Rose realised he was staring, she stared right back.

"Is it wrong for me to kiss you?" She asked. The Doctor was startled into looking away from her. "Even when you look away I want to kiss you Doctor. You told me you love me, and every move you make just makes me love you more." The Doctor turned his gaze back to her and looked her in the eye once more.

"You can feel?" He asked her. She smiled in return, not even looking slightly offended at the suggestion that she wasn't real.

"Every emotion the real Rose would have felt, as well as everything that you feel for her." She told him. "Except I try to ignore your emotions – they're too confusing for my liking." The Doctor stepped closer to Rose, still staring into her eyes. He placed a hand on her cheek.

"Would it be right for me to kiss you back?" He asked. "It's been so long, and Rose…" He trailed off, and the two of them just stood there for what seemed to The Doctor as hours, but in reality was only about a minute or so. They were interrupted by a passer-by, who looked at him strangely as he went by. The Doctor quickly removed his hand and Rose glanced at him with amusement.

"Everyone out there is gonna think I'm insane, aren't they?" Rose laughed once again.

"I think that seeing people who aren't there is a part of some mental illness, right?" She asked. The Doctor nodded slightly. "But you don't care, do you?" She asked timidly. He gave her one of his huge grins once more.

"Since when have I ever cared about anyone else's opinion of me?" He asked her.

"You cared about my opinion of you." Rose pointed out. "And no matter how much you pretended not to, you cared about the opinions of the companions you had in the TARDIS after me."

"I suppose I did." The Doctor said thoughtfully. He felt a little remorseful at how he had treated those humans just because he had lost Rose, but shrugged the memory off. "So… where to first?" He asked her.

OIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOI

The Doctor hadn't really meant to be anywhere near the Powell Estate, but for some reason, the TARDIS had been drawn to the place where he had parked it so many times before. Rose wanted to go looking around and started pointing out where every milestone in her life had occurred. The Doctor saw the place where her Mum had taught her to ride her first bike, which tree she had fallen out of to break her arm, the designated 'cool' places to hang out when she started becoming a teenager… It was as if she wanted to prove to him that she was real, but she could never prove that to him, and he didn't even know if these 'memories' of hers were even real. She had given up as they caught the bus to the centre of the city, and so then decided to reel off the adventures they had had together – as if he had ever forgotten just one moment.

They had chips again, and as the sun went down, both of them realised that they just didn't have the heart to stay any longer, so they caught the bus back to where they had left the TARDIS.

"I'm never going to be as good as her, am I?" Rose asked quietly as the bus rumbled along. The Doctor pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and looked into her eyes again.

"Just give me some time." He told her. "I'll come around." He tried to ignore the strange looks he was drawing from the other passengers and continued to gaze into Rose's eyes. "On a scale of 1 to 10…" He whispered. "How crazy do you think I'd look if I kissed you right now?" Instead of waiting for an answer, though, he placed his mouth over hers, no doubt only feeling what he had hoped he would feel when he finally kissed her.

OIOIOIOIOIOIOIOI

"Doctor?"

"Hmmm?" The Doctor and Rose were back inside the TARDIS, and as he was just about to ask Rose the question he asked her all the time, but never expected an answer, she had interrupted him with her own question.

"Is that thing you found in Boe's house meant to be doing that?" The Doctor pulled the small thing out of his pocket and found that it was glowing.

"Well, how about that?" He stated gleefully. "You weren't doing that before. What do you want?" He asked it, holding it out in front of his face. It burned his hand suddenly with a searing heat and The Doctor dropped it right onto the TARDIS console. Both he and Rose nearly jumped a mile into the air when they heard the telepathic voice of The Face of Boe fill the TARDIS.

"Doctor, I know you thought that when you heard these words, we would be face-to-face, but it seems that fate has not decreed that we meet while I impart my knowledge to you."

"Can I… talk to you?" The Doctor asked hesitantly after a few moments silence.

"You are no doubt wondering what my secrets are, Doctor, and I promise you that no one has ever heard them before, and no one who has invaded my mind will ever find them. These words are just for you… and your chosen companion."

**

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What do you think? Reviews are greatly appreciated and I swear that I tried to reply to every review, my time on the computer is just getting limited due to… 'family constraints' lol.**

**Well, luvya all for reading. More if you review so I actually know who you are. :)**

**Mikkifavo**

**By the way, it's 5am. If something looks weird... its 5am - and I've been up since 3**


	9. The Lonely God

**Thanks to my first reviewer for the chapter 8 Adelian. :)**

**What do you think? Did I update quick enough this time? It was a special occasion!**** I have over 50 reviews!!!!! Woo! It's time to celebrate. Thanks to WhisperLuna for my 50th review. You've got the milestone. I'm so happy. :) **

**I should be thanking all of my reviewers. I'd like to thank Adelian, agapi16, horsefly, Jacqueline Roget, RagamuffinSundrop, Scout Girl, Tania, timano, WhisperLuna, Blaidd Drwg and Rach6 for all of the reviews that led to this 50!!! Thanks for continuing to read guys. :) you have no idea how happy you've made me.**

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"What does he mean: 'chosen companion?'" Rose mumbled to The Doctor. "What good would I be even if I knew The Face of Boe's secrets?" 

"I really don't know what he's talking about." He admitted. "It must be a powerful secret if he had to hide it like this."

"I know you're probably anxious to hear my secrets, Doctor, and let me tell you that it will all happen in due time."

"Why are you being so cryptic?" The Doctor asked, although he had figured by this point that he could not converse with the voice as it was obviously programmed for only one purpose.

"There are some things that have to change before I can tell you everything." The voice continued. "And my chip was designed to interact with your TARDIS to bring about those changes."

"How would he know how to-"

"I know you won't like these changes, Doctor. No one is meant to be immortal, but believe me when I tell you that it is for the best." The Doctor laughed out loud.

"I don't even know what he's talking about any more." He scoffed. "His chip is talking to me, but it can't do anything more than that. How he even knew about my TARDIS is… its absurd. The Time Lords are…" The Doctor's voice shook and trailed off, and he just waited in silence for The Face of Boe to continue spilling his secrets.

"I'll contact you again sometime soon, and all will be explained, Doctor. Just keep in mind that I know what I'm doing."

The Doctor didn't even try to add a witty comment to the end of it all. He just stood in silence until he became aware of a slight ringing throughout the TARDIS. He had no idea if that had been there the whole time Boe had been talking or not, but he was definitely aware of it now.

The Doctor looked around at the TARDIS console room. The whole TARDIS seemed to be vibrating with the noise, but there were no rumbled warnings in his mind. The Doctor wondered briefly about why the TARDIS would be okay with such an invasion of herself.

Before he could think to deeply on the subject, he started to feel a slight throbbing in his head. He looked over at Rose with a questioning gaze, but she was just staring ahead at nothing in particular. It wasn't long before the slight throbbing turned into pain, and The Doctor's question of whether Rose had noticed it or not was answered as she winced.

The Doctor looked back at his console, thinking rationally that if he removed The Face of Boe's device from the console, then everything it had caused would cease. When he didn't see it straight away, he ran his hand along the console. It had to be there somewhere because that was where it had fallen. He dropped to one knee to check if it had slipped down under the floor and into the wiring. As he knelt, the pain subsided, and he felt Rose's tense body visibly relax and she approached him, standing right behind his crouched figure.

He began to search the missing piece of technology, but he didn't get too far away from the console when he felt a tingle in his chest that quickly evolved into a fiery pain. He felt Rose fall to her knees on the metal grate next to him, and his mind registered the fact that there should have been a noise because of how heavily she had fallen. She grabbed hold of his arm, and he was felt how much pain she was in by the force with which she gripped his arm. It was the only time so far when he had wished he couldn't feel her touch, but at least he knew it wasn't just him.

He couldn't bear the thought of his Rose crouching there in pain, so he ignored his own aching body and lifted his Rose into his arms. He inched his way towards Rose's old room, realising that he was trying to make someone comfortable who was only a creation of his mind, although she may have also been a tiny part of Rose. It was the thought of Rose that kept him stumbling through the TARDIS's corridors.

OIOIOIOIOIIO

It had been hard to get to Rose's room. He hadn't been there for so long – he had purposely avoided the room when he had finally accepted the fact that she had gone for good, and the TARDIS had not exactly made it easy for him to find it once more. He had the fleeting worry that maybe his beloved TARDIS was in pain as well, but after all of his years of ignoring the feelings of the TARDIS, he had become too good at it.

He groaned as he finally placed Rose on her bed, noting that the bed only made any movement when he touched it and Rose had absolutely no affect on the environment around her. She writhed around a little, and then The Doctor finally allowed himself to feel his own pain. He no longer had any strength to move at all, so fell to his knees by the side of the bed, shaking because of the agony that tore through his very being.

"Are you scared?" Rose whispered as she finally stilled her body and moved a hand to his cheek.

"I don't want to be the lonely god." He whispered back.

"Don't worry." The Face of Boe's voice no longer filled the TARDIS; it was just a comforting vibration in his mind. "Gods never have to be lonely. You'll have your gift to give too." The Doctor nodded slightly and watched Rose fondly before his vision completely blacked out.

**

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Haha! Now I finally get to my point! Please review and tell me what you think. I think… well, it doesn't really matter what I think. I'm no consumer, I'm just the writer. **

**Review!**

**mikkifavo**


	10. Forever

**Thankyou, thankyou to my first reviewer for the chapter RagamuffinSundrop. I always enjoy your reviews. **

**(!!!) 60 reviews (!!!) Have to thank some new reviewers. Logan's Lover, who reviewed chapter 8 just as I posted 9, Lol  
And gaiafreedom21 who reviewed 9 :) love new reviewers. :) (I vaguely recall that I had a new reviewer dance once. let's go with that)**

**With any regard to things about the apparition of Rose that don't make any sense, I just have to say that my actions are justified because: This is MY story, and I make the rules. glares (you know who you are) Lol. Silly rant, I know…**

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The Doctor woke to see that he was slumped on Rose's bed. He saw Rose lying there and in the moment of waking where he couldn't remember where he was, he thought that he really had her back. Rose stirred as if his frantic thoughts of losing the real Rose had woken her.

"You'll get her back." She whispered. "There's nothing that can keep us apart." She smiled brightly at him, and The Doctor gave a small smile back before standing to leave the room.

"Do you want to be alone?" Rose asked him. "Should I give you some time to think?"

"You don't have to go." He said softly. Rose sat up to address him.

"Yes I do. I have to give you some time. You just let yourself remember the good times you had with me." She cocked her head to the side. "And being with me isn't helping you to miss me."

"Why would I want to miss you?" The Doctor leant against the doorframe and gave her an inquisitive look.

"Because I'm not real, Doctor. You have to have time alone to think, and to grieve. You also have to come to terms with what just happened to you."

"What? What just happened to me, Rose? What are you talking about now?" Rose looked alarmed.

"I can't tell you, Doctor. There's some things… some things that are just better when you work them out for yourself."

"So… where are you going?" He asked her. Rose gave a content smile. "I'm going to be with you, Doctor. And you're going to work out how to be with me again." The Doctor could only frown incomprehensively.

"Where are you going?" He repeated. Rose gave a short laugh and stood up. "He left her, I'm sure of it, so I'm going to go see him. We can catch up. Have a laugh. He can tell me what he couldn't tell her."

"See? You're making no sense, Rose. What's going on?"

"I don't have to make sense. I don't exist, remember? Nothing about me makes sense to anyone." She smiled at him again as she joined him in the doorway. She kissed his cheek before she walked down the corridor and left him standing there, looking thoughtful. "That's right." She joked before she turned a corner. "Start thinking."

OIOIOIOIOIOIOIIOOI

The Doctor stood at the TARDIS console, doing as Rose had requested and thinking… not about anything in particular, just thinking. He felt a nudge in his mind from the TARDIS, and as he paid attention to her once more, he became aware that she had changed. Something was unusual about the way she was now compared to what she had been the last time he stood over her console.

"What's different about you, old girl?" He asked affectionately. The TARDIS made a slight buzzing in his mind.

"Has something about me changed too, then?" He murmured. "I don't feel any different." He laughed at the tickle in his mind. "No, I wouldn't feel it, would I? What could possibly be different about me?" He pondered out loud. "What did The Face of Boe do to me?"

The Doctor closed his eyes and tried to sense anything odd or out of place within his own mind or body. When he didn't find anything out of the ordinary, he just let his mind wander and found himself thinking about the times he had shared with Rose. There was a sympathetic warmth in his mind that the TARDIS sent to help with any pain he might feel, but The Doctor simply opened his eyes once more.

"Hoe can I be sad about losing her when she's right here with me?" He questioned. "How can I tell what's different about me? Is there anything different at all? What's Rose going through without me?" At the question, he let himself sink slowly to his knees.

"What was it like with Rose here? I let myself forget." He moaned despairingly. "She wouldn't have wanted me to forget her, I've failed her." Silent tears dripped slowly down his face, as they had the day he had almost said goodbye properly.

This time, though, there was no sudden appearance of a bride to shock him out of his misery. There was only pain as he knelt in his TARDIS in London only three earth years, but so many of his own years after he had lost his beloved Rose.

OIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIIOI

"You changed." The Doctor suddenly stated after pouring out his heart and soul into the tears that leaked from his eyes. "How much did you change?" He jumped up quickly and frantically tapped keys and pressed buttons.

"They both said I could have her back. It's not impossible…" There was not a sound throughout the TARDIS except for the gentle tapping of a keyboard. When it stopped, there was complete silence. The Doctor stood shock-still as he gazed longingly at his screen.

"I can go to her…" He stated airily. "I can go to Rose. I can get her back." His voice rose with every syllable, and it was then that a hand on his shoulder made him give a startled yelp.

"Only me." Rose chuckled. "I see you've figured some things out. You're going to find her and bring her back, then you can-"

"Did I leave her?" The Doctor interrupted.

"What?" Rose frowned at him.

"Did the part of me that was with Rose leave her alone?" He questioned levelly. Rose looked sad, which answered The Doctor's question.

"It doesn't matter. You never let me down, Doctor. You never have and you never will. You won't have me, but-"

"You're not going to stay with me? Help me to get her back?" The Doctor whined, changing the subject suddenly.

"Don't be silly." Rose reprimanded him. "I'm not 100 Rose. There's nothing better than the real thing, Doctor. You should remember that. Rose doesn't always agree with you, and she can't read your mind. What could be better than that?"

"What's going to happen to you, then?"

"As soon as we're in the same universe, Doctor, I'll be whole again. You'll be whole again. In time, she'll even get my memories."

"How will I know-?"

"She'll remember when you remember." It was Rose's turn to interrupt. "As soon as she touches you, she'll know it's the real you, and as soon as you touch her… me…" She caressed his cheek. "I'm a million times better when I'm whole." She pulled away and ran her hand over the TARDIS console. Rose gave a joyful laugh as the TARDIS hummed happily.

"You'll get her back, too." She commented. "I'll be here for both of you again. Neither of you will be lonely…" She trailed off and walked all the way around the console, drawing The Doctor's gaze. When she was back in front of him, she stared up into his eyes.

"Come on." She demanded impatiently. "We haven't got another hundred years to waste. I want to be whole again." The Doctor nodded and got to work, his hands flying over the controls.

"You have to show me how to do that some day." She remarked. He looked up and grinned at her.

"As long as you give me forever, Rose, I'll give you anything you ask."

**

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Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Not my best chapter, and I actually avoided explaining anything technical (I'm no science whiz.)**

**Please review. :)**

**Love reviews. I can't believe I got 11 for my last chapter. I was ecstatic :)**

**Thanks to all**

**Mikkifavo**

**P.S  
Haha! I re-posted this chapter because I can't bear typos. :) horsefly, you made me laugh so much 'snot yuck' hehe  
Forgive typos. I was in a rush because I have been trying to get this chapter out all afternoon. I got off for a second and returned to find a twelve-year-old boy in my seat. Being the benevolent sister I am, I let him have a turn – not realising that I left this in the middle of a sentence. Sadly, that sentence had to be cut because I couldn't remember what the end was supposed to look like. **


	11. 3 years

**Well, thankyou to my first reviewer gaiafreedom21. Who knew my newest reviewer would be first? Thanks :)**

**Hehe. I wrote this chapter straight after my last one, but I waited a while before posting it. :P Took me four straight hours of the morning to do so, though. I was up until 6am:)  
****Hope you like a speedy new chapter**

**Well, look at me, ranting again. I wonder what it would be like if I had a chapter without a long, boring, ranting AN. :P**

**Guess we can only wonder…**

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The Doctor had such an unnatural anxiety about seeing Rose again, he landed the TARDIS ridiculously far away from Pete's home. It took him half an hour to get to the front gate, and rather than ring the bell, he opened the huge metal construction with his sonic screwdriver. He approached the door cautiously and only rang the doorbell because he considered it to be more polite. 

Rather than a maid or servant opening the door, the large wooden object opened to reveal Jackie. The Doctor was surprised, but hid it well with his cheerful greeting.

"Hi there, Jackie." He beamed. "I was wondering if your daughter was home."

The last thing The Doctor ever expected Jackie Tyler to do was faint in her own doorway. Living the high life must have softened her up, and he hoped that maybe then she wouldn't slap him so hard for waiting three years to come and find Rose again - or for coming back at all.

He stepped around the dead weight on the threshold to look inside the magnificent house. It was just as he remembered it from the last time he was there, except it was quite empty instead of being filled with many rich and powerful guests.

The Doctor looked down at Jackie, who had not stirred, and sighed. He would have to move her by himself, he guessed. But where would he take her? He had no idea of where would be a good place in this house, and he couldn't exactly wander around their home uninvited.

The Doctor was a master of getting in and out of trouble, but he wasn't sure that was the sort of trouble he'd be able to get out of with a witty remark. Rose's family and friends were always tough to deal with.

The Doctor really wanted his presence to be a surprise, but decided that Jackie being found slumped in the doorway would have caused much more of a stir than if he announced himself.

"Hello?" He called out softly. When there was no answer, he hesitantly called a bit louder, then louder still when there was no sound from anywhere in the house.

As he began to yell for the fifth time, The Doctor was surprised once more when instead of a servant of any kind, Pete turned up. He didn't react exactly the way that Jackie had, but he stood in the one spot with his mouth open for quite some time. The Doctor just frowned as he stood very still as well, blocking Jackie's unconscious body from Pete.

When Pete started to move his mouth while no words came out, The Doctor thought that it was finally time to move from in front of Jackie. He stepped sideways and as soon as Pete spotted Jackie on the floor, he rushed to her side.

"Glad to see it's still going well, then." The Doctor commented nonchalantly. Pete looked away from Jackie to gawp at him once more.

"How are you here?" He asked suspiciously. The Doctor rubbed the back of his neck.

"I'm not sure, exactly, but I'm hoping that it will become clearer in time." He stated uncertainly. "How are you, by the way?" He asked.

"We can get on with the small talk when we get Jackie out of the doorway." Pete said, giving The Doctor a welcoming smile. "I'm assuming this was your fault?" He began to lift Jackie up, and when The Doctor leant over to help carry her legs, he wondered again why there were no housekeepers or… anyone around to help.

"I didn't mean to." The Doctor grunted as he followed Pete's lead through a large archway. "I seriously was not expecting Jackie Tyler to react that way when she saw me again."

"You'll find that a lot of Jackie's mannerisms have changed since she got her second chance." Pete said pointedly as they laid her on a couch in the front room of the house. Giant windows flooded the room with light and Jackie finally began to move a little. She didn't regain consciousness, though; she just squirmed a bit on the couch.

"I think she's afraid of losing me again." Pete stated softly as he gestured for the Doctor to follow him to the next set of matching couches. Pete motioned for him to sit, but The Doctor stood and fidgeted slightly.

"It's good to see you again and all…" He started. "But I really need to…" He trailed off and wrung his hands.

"You want to see Rose?" It wasn't really a question, although it was posed as one. There was no way that Pete would have been confused about his motives for suddenly appearing in this universe and taking the risk of tearing the two worlds apart.

"She's not here." He stated dully.

"Oh, when will she be back?" The Doctor asked lightly, finally taking the seat next to Pete.

"She doesn't live here any more."

"Oh." The Doctor said again, more sadly. "Does she come around much?"

"Never."

"Oh." The Doctor realised he was beginning to sound like a broken record, but he couldn't stop himself.

"So I'm guessing she doesn't live nearby?"

"Closer than you think."

"Then I'll just…" The Doctor stood up to leave, but Pete held onto his arm.

"You can't leave without giving Jackie an explanation." He told him.

"You're right." The Doctor sighed, sitting down again. "And I can't leave without getting an explanation from you. What happened?" Pete sighed too.

"She's not going to be happy with you when she wakes up." He said, inclining his head towards Jackie. "She blames you, you know."

"For what? Rose coming into this universe? Being with her?"

"For making her daughter crazy." Pete stated simply. The Doctor had nothing to say. He didn't even look at the other man, just waited for him to go on. He took a deep breath before continuing.

"Without you, Rose started to… say some strange things. She was acting like… like we weren't around. Jackie suggested that she go see a shrink. She went once... didn't like it… Jackie wanted to have her institutionalised, I think. I didn't get in the middle of that mother-daughter conflict, and before I knew it, Rose was out of here."

"And you haven't tried to-"

"I've called her. She doesn't seem to notice that I exist, just talks gibberish or to you, Doctor. I just… I didn't know what to do any more." He put his head in his hands. "And the worst thing is that Mickey was getting through and talking to her for a while…"

"I know, how awful must that have been." Pete looked incredulous.

"How can you be making a joke now?"

"Because that's how he's always been." It seemed the sleeping demon had awoken and was not happy. Jackie stood in front of The Doctor, hands on her hips. "Mickey used to go and check up on her for us, now he won't. He's too scared of her." Jackie fumed. "I want to know what you did to her." Surprisingly, Jackie kept her voice steady and low. Though The Doctor just gaped at her .

"You think I… did something to her?"

"She would never have left you by choice. All she wanted when she was here was to be back with you. You must have done something to her." Jackie now had her arms folded across her chest, her stance intimidating, but her voice was wavering, as if she didn't quite believe what she was saying any more.

"I'm sorry about Rose." The Doctor said quietly. "When I see her, I'll be sure to check her head out. I hope she's not too bad. You make it sound awful." He cringed at the thought of there being something horribly wrong with Rose.

"You should go over there right now." Jackie stated firmly. "Make her better now."

"Honey, she'll be at work now." Pete said soothingly. The Doctor should stick around here for a while. Have some food."

"I am a little hungry." The Doctor admitted, trying to remember the last time he ate.

OIOIOIOIOIOIOIOI

"You should talk to Mickey. Maybe he'll tell you what he won't tell us." Pete broke the silence of lunch with his comment.

"You have no idea why Mickey won't go near her, then?" The Doctor asked thoughtfully. "I never thought that Mickey would ever leave her side. I guess times change."

"I never thought Mickey would leave her, either. But he has. I know he's got his own life an all..." Jackie trailed off as she took a breath. "... But he won't even come over here any more, either. Something has got him spooked."

Jackie stood and moved over to the other side of the table where Rose's little sister, Annie was getting more food on the floor than she was in her mouth. The Doctor watched with interest. She was like this universe's version of Rose, although she wasn't meant to be there at all. She was a second-chance child, and he could see how much Jackie loved her by the tenderness in her touch. She had to love Rose that much, too. No matter how messed up she might have become.

The Doctor stood up and looked around the table at his two hosts and the terrible toddler.

"I have to go now." He told them. "What time does Rose finish work?"

**

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**

And that's all I can say… hehe. A longer chapter than I'm used to being able to write. This one just flowed off the tongue… pen… uhhh. Can it flow off the keyboard?

Sorry there's no reunion, I really and truly thought that this would be the reunion chapter. Lol. Guess i got carried away.

Review!!

Mikkifavo


	12. Home

**My first reviewer was RagamuffinSundrop. :) thankyou. Always a pleasure to read your reviews.**

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The Doctor made his way to Rose's apartment by public transport. He wasn't especially fond of buses, but didn't want to re-enter the TARDIS until he had seen her again. 

As he followed the directions Pete had written for him on a scrap of paper, he wondered what she was like after three years. He also wondered if he had changed. Would she recognise his personality? Would she still love him?

The other Rose had assured him that she would love him no matter what… but what if she had moved on? Found someone new? Did forever stop when she was wrenched out of his world? When she had surrendered a part of herself so that he wouldn't be alone?

He had left her. Would she forgive him for that? Rose had looked so hurt when he asked her… If he did it once, he could do it again.

At that thought, The Doctor stopped walking. He was only a short way from Rose's apartment block, and now he was uncertain of whether he should go back to her or not. The only reason he would have left her would be because she found someone else, wouldn't it? If she had asked him to leave. He would never leave her alone…

His hearts almost broke at the thought of his Rose being with someone else, and it was this feeling that gave him his determination back. Rose belonged with him, she always had. He knew that, that's why he came back for her to ask a second time. He knew she'd say yes. She always said yes to him, from the beginning. Well, maybe not from the beginning. A smile formed on The Doctor's face as he remembered their conversation. 'Do you believe me?' 'No.''But you're still listening.'

She still followed him, though. She really did believe everything he told her. She trusted him without question... and she would give her life for him just as he would for her.

He pressed his sonic screwdriver to the lock on the door at the base of the building and strode inside, letting himself live out more fond memories in his mind as he made his way up the stairs. She was his Rose; there was no doubt about that. She had shown it time and time again. She never left him; never let herself be intimidated to stay behind.

He jogged up the stairs – suddenly in a hurry to be in the place where she had spent most of the last three years. He briefly wondered why he didn't try to get back to the first year she was in this universe, but at this point it was too late. He had thought that she'd be with her newly reunited family, waiting for him.

As he stepped into her front room and closed the door behind him, his breath caught in his chest. This was where she had been. The walls were a soft purple and the air was filled with the very presence of Rose. He made his way to the bedroom, bathed in light from the wide window with the open curtains and was excited to sense that the room had more of Rose ingrained in the very atmosphere than the rest of her home did. Of course, this was where she spent most of her time. Humans tended to sleep most of their lives away.

He sat on the bed, as he used to do to her bed in the TARDIS before it no longer felt as if she lived there any more. He rubbed his hands along the soft purple sheets - noticing a pattern with the colours she chose - then let himself slide into a horizontal position on the bed, laying his head on the pillow and letting his eyes drink in the sights of her room. It reminded him of her room in the TARDIS, she seemed to create the same environment wherever she went. Even her room in the Powell Estate had felt exactly this way. His eyes brushed over the pictures of various planets and stars in the night sky before he closed his them, breathing in the scent that he hadn't thought he had missed as much as he had.

OIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIO

The Doctor hadn't realised he had fallen asleep, and when he woke to a clattering in the kitchen and semi-darkness all around him, he could have kicked himself.

He had desperately wanted to be there to surprise Rose when she returned home, not scare her by emerging from her bedroom with rumpled hair and sleep in his eyes. Come to think of it, whatever entrance he made would be received with some kind of shock.

He did his best to straighten out his appearance, checking it in the mirror in the corner of her room, squinting in the half-light. He guessed it was five or six, and emerged from the room timidly, unsure of what the new Rose might look like.

When he caught his first glimpse of her after so many years, he was not disappointed. Same old Rose with the same old blonde hair, same build. What had he expected her to do? Mutate into some horrible creature without him by her side.

He hadn't seen her face yet, as she had her back to him, and was concerned about what shadows he may find in her eyes. Her family had called her crazy, after all. Maybe that's why he had left her. Maybe she didn't want him around any more.

He shook his head to clear it. There was no point wondering about ifs and maybes. If Rose didn't want him, then he'd leave. But he'd cross that bridge when he came to it, so there was no point worrying about a time five minutes in the future.

He approached her cautiously, but before he got to her, he paused, transfixed by her movements. Why hadn't he noticed how flowy and carefree the motion of her body had been before? Why hadn't he been in awe of every part of her body the last time he had seen her, that hundred years before?

Why did he choose this exact moment, when he was almost close enough to reach out and touch her, to stop and stare? He must have changed in all that time, then. Before he could resume his slow walk that seemed to take forever to get to his beloved Rose, she turned around and saw him staring at her. She froze.

"What are you doing back here?" She asked.

**

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Now wasn't that an evil place to stop. Promise they're going to talk in the next chapter. :P **

**Sometimes it's just too fun to drag things on. Plus, I never intended to write about the journey to Rose's house, so that's a bonus. :)**

**Mikkifavo**


	13. Reunion

**This darned site finally let me upload the Docco!!! Been tryin all arvo, so I'm havin a happy moment now. I was about to kill my computer, coz I had actually already uploaded it, and usually when i upload a chapter, I delete it from my computer so I can write a new one in its place. Phew I'm lucky I hadn't deleted it, or I'd be chucking the biggest tantrum right now. If you can understand all of that aussie-speak, then I'm proud of ya Lol. I act all occa when I'm jumpy. Just a big bogan at heart. Hehe. :) Anyways...**

**Aha! New reviewer. :) ((Does the new reviewer dance again))**

**Ahh, floorpie, my newest reviewer, my first reviewer for chapter 12 and my 80th reviewer! You're a milestone in so many ways, girl. :) AND an aussie to boot. From Sydney! Yay! There should be more aussie Doctor Who fans!**

**Well, this is the much-anticipated chapter for many of my reviewers, coz I'm going to re-introduce your favourite character (no he did not disappear off the face of the earth)**

**So, on I go!!**

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The Doctor didn't answer, he just stood gaping at Rose. She didn't look different at all. He didn't know what he had been expecting, but the way her family talked about her, she was a monster who was hardly ever lucid at all. But here she was now, looking a little shocked at his sudden appearance in her home.

"Doctor, what are you doing here?" She asked again. The Doctor could only beam at her. She wasn't different at all, he was relieved to see.

"So no 'I'm so happy to see that you're back', then?" He asked coyly. Rose's look of shock melted into a content smile as The Doctor joined her in the kitchen.

"I'm happier than I've ever been to see you." She told him. "I'm not fighting for my life, there's no danger, and it's never been better to have you with me." She reached out to touch his cheek, but he pulled away from her before she could make contact with his skin. Her face fell at his rejection.

"So this isn't a social call?" She asked distractedly, turning away from him to go back to making dinner. The Doctor just stood and blinked at her. He was not sure why he'd pulled away, but he was stunned to see her being so… domestic, cooking dinner in her own kitchen in her own apartment.

"It's been... so long since I've seen you, Rose." He managed to choke out. She turned her head to flash him a sly smile.

"You know I'll always forgive you, Doctor. You could be gone a hundred years and I'll still welcome you back."

"You would?"

"Don't act so surprised, you knew that. You're in my mind… You're just looking for a compliment, aren't you?" She questioned him, turning her gaze back to chop her onions intently.

"So…" The Doctor didn't know how to counter that stab. She did, after all, think that he wasn't really there. He was content to let her believe that until he gleaned some information about why he had left her in the first place.

"Doctor?" Rose asked, dropping her knife and suddenly spinning around to face him once more.

"Yes?" He answered slowly.

"I need some advice." She took a deep breath before continuing, and The Doctor could sense that something horrible was coming his way.

"Sim asked me to move in with him."

Rose rushed out the sentence so quickly that it took The Doctor a couple of seconds to register what she had said, and a few more to grasp their meaning in his tangled mind. Rose just stood there watching his face while he stood silently. When he realised what she meant, he was startled.

"Moving on a bit quick, aren't we?" He asked, eyebrows raised to hide his disappointment. He didn't know why he thought three years was quick for a human – they had such short lives – but Rose didn't seem to take it to mean what he had meant it to.

"That's what I thought. It's been six months, but before you left, you said-"

"Ignore what I said. I'll stay here with you." The Doctor cut her off hurriedly and sputtered out his sentence. Rose gave him a strange look, but as soon as she opened her mouth there was a knock at the door.

"I'll deal with you later." She told him, pointing a finger at his chest. She paused as if she was going to poke him, but her finger just hovered there until she took off towards the door, happiness in every movement.

The Doctor couldn't help feeling jealous of whoever this 'Sim' person was. He leant against the wall and watched the door to get a good view when he came in. Rose opened the door, and The Doctor could almost feel the smile she gave the newcomer – his smile – before she kissed him on the cheek and pulled him inside.

He wondered why she was so guarded with her reactions to a man who she was contemplating moving in with, and guessed it may have been because of his presence. Sim seemed to notice it too, because he looked beyond Rose and caught The Doctor's eye as Rose dragged him into her front room.

Doctor, Sim. I know you've met before." Sim inclined his head slightly in The Doctor's direction, but The Doctor could do nothing but stare. He took in the rugged looks of Rose's new man. He was taller than her, had black hair and a short cropped beard. At least he didn't have a moustache. The Doctor mused. The man's hair was just as wild as his own, and he subconsciously ran his fingers through the mess.

"Doctor!" Rose exclaimed. "Do you have to be so rude? You're as bad as Mickey!"

"Oh. Right, sorry." The Doctor moved his hand down and rubbed the back of his neck. As Rose went back to the kitchen, The Doctor wandered over to shake hands with Sim, both hearts drumming out a confusing beat. Sim regarded him with equal suspicion.

"I thought you left." He stated.

"That's me, always coming back." He replied airily. "I thought no one else could see me." He commented, his voice taking a serious tone once more.

"I can. I thought we'd been through all this the last time we met."

"I can't seem to recall the last time we met." Both men were scowling at each other, and The Doctor heard Rose com back around the corner. He could feel her glare as Sim's icy look melted away.

"I hope you're both playing nice." She warned them. The Doctor turned to face her, but she had already returned to her work.

"Excuse me, I have to go talk to her. You sit here." He pushed the unwelcome intruder of their tearful reunion backwards so that he was seated on the couch in front of the TV. "You watch some of this." He said, jabbing a button on the remote. "This won't take too long."

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Haha! Sorry, had to stop there. Got to do a change of perspective for the next chapter.**

**Time for Rose's real return in the next chapter. I'm having so much fun, but still not giving too much away. What happened to tearful reunions? The Doctor was never like that, anyway. Trust him to not let her know he was really there until he had gotten used to the fact that Rose was. Lol**

**I also liked the part about intently chopping onions... well, maybe if you know what my joke is about that you can tell me in a review, coz I'm not really in the mood for sharing my jokes.**

**It seems as though I was trying to make up for my lack of AN in my last chapter. hehe. This chapter seems to be more AN than story.**

**Mikkifavo**


	14. If I told you I Love You

**Thankyou to Scout Girl, my first reviewer for chapter 13. I didn't get a lotta reviews for that chapter, but I guess it was because it was unlucky 13... i think maybe i should stop the thanking my first reviewer thing, coz its getting redundant. I want you to know that i appreciate you all, though and i hope you see that in my replies.**

**Ahhh... sorry if i didn't make everything crystal clear. I have a habit of making things confusing, because, hey, _I_ know what's going on, at least. The Doctor and Rose do not get their respective memories back straight away. I think the line I used was 'you may get them back in time' although i am not completely sure, but if not, that's what i meant. They might not get them back at all. we'll see...**

**I decided to go with Rose's perspective again. :) Have to see what she thinks about The Doctor being back, after all. And to all of you Tyler Slap fans out there, sorry. I hate the slap. I don't think there's really a place for it here, doesn't go with my writing style.**

* * *

Rose watched the Doctor re-enter the room and stare at her as if they had been apart for years. He stared so intently it seemed as if he hadn't seen her for decades. Rose found his gaze slightly disconcerting, but funny at the same time. She decided to follow the funny feeling. 

"What?" She laughed at him.

"Oh. I just like watching you. It's been… it FEELS like it's been a hundred years." The Doctor put a strange emphasis on the word feels and Rose was confused about his reactions yet again. It hadn't been that long, and she could feel him with her all the time he wasn't there… Except for today. She had had an overwhelming sense of lonliness all day, and thought that maybe The Doctor had finally abandoned her, so was overjoyed to see that The Doctor had come back to her and her fears were not justified. She didn't convey all of her emotions, though, just replied gently.

"I know. Why DID you come back?"

"Because…" He looked like he was going to give an answer for a second, but he changed the topic suddenly. "Who's Sim?"

"Doctor, you know."

"Lets just day I forgot." Rose hesitated before giving her stuttered answer.

"I… I love him, Doctor." The Doctor craned his head to look at her raggedly handsome Sim, watching the TV on the couch. Rose glanced too, and realised he was watching some drama that he didn't even like. She supposed he couldn't be bothered to change the channel; he HAD always just let her do it, after all. The Doctor turned back to face Rose once more.

"He's the… man you love?" The Doctor asked sadly. He brightened quickly, but Rose could see right through it. What was wrong with her Doctor?

"What?" Rose asked, conveying her confusion openly.

"Just… just wanted to come back and check that you're happy with your life. Keep being happy. Move in with Sim…" He trailed off and began to inch backwards. Rose ran around him and stood blocking his way.

"What's wrong with you, Doctor?" She demanded. "Why don't you even remember the last time you were here?"

"Because-"

"Because, Doctor. I told you before. There's no one I'll ever love as much as I love you…"

"You love me?" Rose noticed that The Doctor was trying to suppress his delight at the statement, and she wondered why he couldn't share whatever had happened with her. What could happen to someone who didn't really exist? The Doctor had commented in the middle of her sentence, and Rose thought it only right that she should continue.

"… But I love Sim, too." Instead watching how he reacted to this revelation, Rose stared over The Doctor's shoulder at her half-cooked meal. She had been cooking for Sim so they could discuss… the future. She frowned at it. It wasn't making itself. She and Sim had had a date before The Doctor just… turned up. But that was what he did best.

"I should go back to…" She muttered softly, looking back at The Doctor's face, still frowning. There was something in his eyes… a longing… She gasped as his lips pressed down onto her own, enveloping her in a soft kiss.

The Doctor placed both his hands on either of her cheeks to deepen the kiss and she got lost in it quickly. As it went on, Rose felt that there was something in his kiss that hadn't been there before. She began to feel a strange and pleasureable tingle in the back of her mind - it was like nothing she had ever felt before and she closed her eyes to get closer to the feeling. It was a few seconds before she pulled away from him hastily, realising what she hadn't been able to see before. She took a step backwards.

"You're… you're… real…" She managed to choke out, tears beginning to form in her eyes.

"Yes." The Doctor admitted solemnly.

"And you're… back for me?" The Doctor nodded, a small smile crossing his features. Rose didn't smile back at him, she grimaced. "And now I'll have to choose." She stated flatly, looking down at the floor.

"If I finally told you that I love you, would you choose me?" He asked desperately. Rose was shocked but his statement, but didn't want to look up at him. Why was he back? HOW was he back? He said it was impossible. Both of him said it time and time again… Rose was forced to look into The Doctor's eyes once more as he grabbed her shoulders to bring her closer, and lifted her face to his with a hand on her cheek.

"Rose Tyler. I love you and no amount of time apart is ever going to change that."

Before Rose had time to burst into tears at this admission, she heard a soft strangled cry from behind her. Sim had obviously gotten tired of waiting for them to finish their little heart-to-heart, and he had chosen the worst possible moment to walk in on their conversation. Rose wrenched herself from The Doctor's grasp and turned to face Sim.

"Wait!" She called out as he started to stalk towards the door. She ran to get in front of him, and she stood blocking his exit, just as she had done with The Doctor before.

"Why didn't you tell me you were in love with him!" Sim exclaimed. "If I had known your heart belonged to him, I would never have… I wouldn't have forced you to be with me." He finished softly. Rose looked beyond Sim to gaze pleadingly at The Doctor, who didn't seem to get her message of 'can you please leave us' as he leant against the wall, seeming to enjoy watching the show. Rose glared and flung the door open, leading Sim outside into the corridor. She closed the door again forcefully and looked Sim in the eye.

"What difference would it have made, Sim? I thought it was impossible for me to ever see him again." She closed her eyes. "He told me it was impossible." She murmured, more to herself than to Sim.

"But he was here before…"

"No, Sim." Rose opened her eyes and shook her head at him. "In there, that's the REAL Doctor."

"Oh." Sim stated dejectedly. "He had your heart first, so I should just leave you two to-"

"No Sim." Rose cut him off. "I haven't chosen either of you yet. I still love you."

"You haven't even told me that much about him, Rose, and I already know that he can give you the world – the universe… everything, while I have nothing to offer. There is no competition."

"You can give me your life." Rose whispered to him, running her hand along his cheek. "That's something The Doctor can't give to me. He's over 900 years old, and he still has plenty more years left in him. I can give him my life, but he can't give me his… So please…" She removed her hand from his face and looked seriously into his eyes. "So please just let me choose."

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**Back to long ANs :P missed those. **

**Upon further reflection, I think there may be a place for a Tyler Slap... hmmm... Have to explore that thought further. Lol**

**Anyway, hope you liked my chapter, please review, and i'll try to get another chapter up soon, although with Christmas coming on, my life is getting a little hectic. Take tonight, for instance, i have to go do a recording for choir. We need to get our backing for a chrissie song down before we can perform it. I'm also going to the entrance (not that i expect you to know where that is) on the weekend, so i'm gonna do my best to get a new chapter up before then.**

**You know, i think i need a new story again. This is going to throw logic out of the window soon, and i want all the craziness not to be associated with this story. We'll see. If there is a new one, it wont be until... well, i don't really want to spoil it, but you can guess what happens at the end of this one.**

**Pleeeeaaase review? Pretty please?**

**Mikkifavo**


	15. I Never Knew

**Maybe I should stop posting chapters until this site gets its act together with alerts :(  
I'm not getting many reviews coz no one knows I have a new chapter. **

**I should really stop complaining about reviews, I used to post up new chapters when I only had 2 reviews… you guys have got me hooked on your witty little notes. I'm kinda obsessed about reading what you guys think of my stories. I don't get to hear it anywhere else. ****Thanks.**

**Oh, in the last chapter I forgot to thank a new reviewer, Steph. Thanks. :) glad you like my story. Great review. I like to read those ones… not saying anything more. :p**

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Rose stomped back into her apartment as she bid Sim a good night. 

"Why didn't you tell me it was really you?" She demanded angrily. "Look what you've done!"

"I…" The Doctor trailed off and waited a second or two before he stared concernedly at her. "What did you just say?" He asked.

Rose felt a rage building up inside of her.

"Sim is so upset because of what you did. If I'm going to break up with him to leave with you now, it's going to break his heart!"

"Not that…" The Doctor told her softly, approaching and cupping the angry Rose's cheek in his hand. "The other thing… It didn't fit…"

Rose felt her eyes well with tears again as she realised what he was talking about.

"What did I say?" She whispered. "Did you understand it?"

"Well, it was in English, if that's what you mean, Rose. But I really have no idea what significance it has to this conversation."

"I had no idea that I said anything at all. It's happening again." She moaned. "Oh Doctor. What's wrong with me? Why does this keep happening?" She pulled herself out of his grasp and turned back to the door. She leant against it, letting the tears fall slowly down her cheeks.

"I don't know Rose. I'll have to take you to the TARDIS to find out."

"Is it because of you Doctor? Mum always said it was your fault that I'm… like this, but I don't believe her. Tell me it's not your fault, Doctor." She pleaded with him. The Doctor just frowned.

"I can't do that." He told her seriously. "I have to get you to the TARDIS and check you out… if you want to, that is." He added hastily.

"Did you leave your TARDIS in my apartment somewhere?" Rose asked him.

"No. I wouldn't invade your spaced like that Rose."

"Well then how did you get in here without me noticing? You weren't here before I got home, because you would have come out. Probably would have scared me half to death as I walked in the door."

"Well… uh… about that…" The Doctor ran his hand through his hair. "I… well… I kind of… fell asleep on your bed." Rose realised that he expected her to be angry with him for being in her room, but how could she ever be mad at him for something so trivial. She laughed out loud at the thought of The Doctor lying down to pass the time and then just falling asleep. When he saw that she wasn't upset about it, The Doctor grinned sheepishly.

"Ahhh… parked the TARDIS somewhere… near Pete's mansion. Went there to find you, originally."

"Oh." Rose looked down at the floor as he realised that he'd been talking with her family about why she had moved out. She gazed back up at him, trying to keep the hurt of betrayal out of her eyes and her voice, but failing miserably.

"Mum wanted me to go to the nuthouse."

"I heard." The Doctor commented sympathetically, inclining his head in acknowledgement of her predicament.

"And if I had stayed, she would have admitted me anyway, no matter how much I didn't want it… Do you think I should have gone?" She asked in a small voice. The Doctor looked alarmed at her statement.

"No. Never." He said seriously. The two of them stood in silence for a little longer and Rose slowly wandered back towards the kitchen.

"Why are you still making it?" The Doctor questioned. She turned back to face him.

"Because this is my life now, Doctor. A mundane life full of little necessities."

"It doesn't have to be. You don't have to spend your life eating chips and watching the telly."

"But what if I want this life now, Doctor?" She demanded. "What if I want to be domestic? What if I want to be normal?"

"You didn't before." He pointed out reasonably. "Why should it be different now?"

"Because it's been six years, Doctor! Six years of believing that you weren't coming back for me. That you COULDN'T come back for me. Why did you tell me it was impossible if it wasn't? Why didn't you just let me wait for you, coz I would have. I would have waited for you, Doctor, but you told me it was impossible!"

The Doctor just stood there silently under her verbal onslaught. He opened and closed his mouth, but none of his usual witty remarks came out. He just looked sad. Rose turned and went back into the kitchen, just leaving him alone to stand and listen to the television still mumbling softly in the background. Rose turned back to her food. Did The Doctor even want the dinner she made? Would he just go back to the TARDIS and have what he was used to? She didn't care.

Tears dripped silently from her eyes as she lit her gas stove to cook the vegetables she had prepared. She didn't even bother to wipe them away, she just wanted to busy herself with something and forget that she had abandoned The Doctor for Sim. Rose realised after a couple of minutes that The Doctor was standing unbearably close to her, and she spun to find herself in his arms.

"A hundred years ago, Rose…" He spoke so softly that if Rose had been anywhere but in his arms, she wouldn't have heard him. "A hundred years ago, it wasn't possible for me to come back for you."

Rose's knees buckled underneath her when his words registered in her confused mind. She sobbed loudly and fell into his embrace. The Doctor's strong arms held her up effortlessly, just as they used to and Rose could hardly believe that he hadn't seen her in a hundred years. That amount of time was just too long for her human mind to fathom.

As she thought about it, she was struck again by the thought that he wasn't human and she pulled herself out of his arms once more, but had nowhere to go with the bench behind her. She was stuck staring into her Doctor's deep and loving brown eyes.

"You still love me after all that time?" She asked timidly.

"Yes." He said simply, as if there was nothing more to be said on the topic.

"Oh." Was all Rose could manage to get out. She had never felt guiltier in all of her life than she did when she uttered her next words. "I'm sorry that I can't choose you because of that." She told him. Now it was The Doctor's turn to step away from her.

"It doesn't mean anything to you?" He asked, looking hurt.

"It means everything to me, Doctor." Rose sighed. "I just… Sim is… safe."

"And I never kept you safe?"

"Doctor, you lost me. I almost got pulled into the void." The Doctor's eyes turned sad, and he looked like she had just slapped him.

"So do you blame me for that, then?" He asked quietly. Rose gave him an apologetic glance when she realised exactly what she had said.

"Of course not!" She exclaimed. "It was my decision to say with you, to pull that lever. I'm just saying… I don't know what I'm trying to say, Doctor. Just let me figure out if I'm even cut out for that life any more."

The two old friends stood in Rose's kitchen, just gazing at one another.

"I never knew it was possible to love someone as much as I love you, Doctor. Never thought my life would be in shatters if I lost someone…" She trailed off and said nothing more. She hoped The Doctor would pick up where she left off and share his own feelings, but wasn't expecting it, so when he spoke up, she was surprised.

"Neither did I Rose." He said softly. "I was lost without you. It was like… like losing my planet all over again. You made me feel like I wasn't alone for the first time since I lost them, and when I lost you… I wasn't the same man any more."

**

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Eeek! This whole chapter is dialogue. Nothing else happens but a little moving around the room... Do I always do that? Lol. Well, I thought it was interesting, all that remains to be seen is what you think of it.**

Well, no Tyler slap again. I think Rose is more upset than angry at The Doctor, so there's no point in a slap. I don't do angry well, I do depressed…

**I think I didn't explain Rose's crazy outburst properly, but I can't think of something sufficiently crazy for her to say. Promise I'll tell you what's going on soon… Same time I tell you who she chooses, I guess. :) hehe.**

**Review:)**

**Mikkifavo**


	16. Dilemma

**Sorry, this is gonna be a really huge AN coz i gotta explain a few things. I keep adding on to what i've already written here.**

**First of all, I just got absolutely FLOODED with review alerts, story alerts PMs and review replies. Is anyone else completely frustrated by this? Had to vent coz it took a couple of days to empty my inbox.**

**Second, tried to upload this chapter last night, but the stupid site wouldn't let me. Then , after all that, this morning my computer crashed. I already had this chapter typed up and i'm using my dad's laptop to post it, but there wont be any more chapters until it is fixed because i can't use my dad's laptop for writing my stories. Sorry**

**Well, I'm back from my wonderful weekend away. It was really bad, don't ask. Lol. Imagine being right on the coast near great beaches and the weather is perfect, but instead of having fun in the sun you get to spend all afternoon in a house reading a book? Don't get me wrong, I love books, but beach or book? I could have read the book any time…**

**Anyway, about my story: You know how hard it is to keep this pace up? I have only ever finished ONE story of my own in my whole entire life, and that took me about… 5 years. Plus, I'm still trying to get it out of the draft form. You should all be happy that I am so dedicated to this story, cause I've never had anything like it in my whole time as a writer.**

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Rose lay on her bed, staring up at the ceiling. She wasn't in the mood for sleeping, and although her body had demanded that she crawl into her comfy bed and at least try to sleep, it wouldn't let her go into dreamland just yet.

Now was the time for quiet reflection, it seemed, as Rose thought about her day. There was a time during that day when she thought The Doctor had finally left her for good, only to find when she returned home that the real Doctor had finally come back for her.

It was all too confusing, and now her senses were flooded with The Doctor once more. She could feel his presence in the next room, could almost taste his scent from the time he had spent laying in this exact spot. Rose couldn't deny that she was drawn to The Doctor. Something about him had demanded her attention from the get-go, and now she could hardly fight his pull on her soul.

But Sim… Sim was… he was safe. She had been drawn to Sim because of everything he was that The Doctor wasn't. Sim was happy to be domestic. He was happy to give her everything he had, all his memories and all of his life. Rose hadn't fallen in love with Sim, she had fallen in love with living in peace and contentment with the way things were. She had fallen in love because he healed her broken heart. He told her that he loved her with absolutely no hesitation.

With The Doctor all she had ever wanted was more. The Doctor could give her everything and nothing at the same time, while Sim gave her nothing and everything. They were two opposites that were so the same as well. How could she choose?

Tears began to flow across Rose's face and on to her pillow as she considered her dilemma. Why had she let herself fall in love with everything that Sim gave to her? Why hadn't she just waited for Her Doctor to come back to her?

The Doctor had told her he loved her in desperation. He hadn't wanted to lose her to any old human, and it only made the day more confusing for Rose.

So... Rose had the choice of being with Sim, in this universe, maybe patching up her relationship with her mother and living a normal life. Or she could travel with The Doctor once more, knowing that he loved her, but also with the knowledge that their time would end, and this time, he would have no way of getting her back. He would have to watch her die.

Could she do that to her beloved Doctor? Give him everything she had for the short time she had left and then just leave him alone again? Was it fair that he should have to live an eternity without her after he had found her again? Whether it was now or later, she was condemning him to that life. She had since the first time she had stepped into his TARDIS and asked to go into the future.

Thinking about The Doctor led Rose to think about how he had acted that night. She remembered that there was a time when she had never been able to keep The Doctor away from his TARDIS. But when she had suggested that he might be more comfortable there than on her couch, he was adamant that he wouldn't leave her until she had made her decision.

His determination to keep her struck Rose as odd, but she supposed that it was simply a product of being away from her a hundred years. Rose could still hardly believe he had had all of that time and still loved her.

As she thought more and more in-depth thoughts about The Doctor, she resolved to spend some more time with Sim. The Doctor always drove her crazy, and there was no doubt in her mind that if she spent much more time with him, she'd just end up running off with him again. She could hardly resist it as it was. All that kept her here was the look on Sim's face when she had been talking to him about The Doctor. He had obviously not wanted to lose her, either, and she hoped that if he really loved her, he'd fight as hard as The Doctor to keep her.

Maybe then she'd be able to be up all night thinking about Sim...

**

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Yeesh! Beyond my essay-long AN, this was a short one. Sorry. Wanted to get this up because it's been so long since my last update. Weekends away are sucky because they make me neglect my fanfiction. I'm outta here next weekend, too. :( Sorry!**

**Then there's the fact that my computer is not actually working :(**

**Even when it is, my little brothers keep kicking me off the net for 'homework' when you have four, it starts to get a little (actually a lot) irritating. Can't wait till I get a laptop. **

**Review :) hope its not too long before my next update.**

**Mikkifavo**

**Haha! Almost forgot to thank my reviewers. Life's been hectic. Forgive me. Luv ya all. Thanks for bearing with me through my rants.**


	17. help

**Hooray for whoever fixed my computer. mayeb having four brothers is helpful for some things. Damned if i know how to work anything but microsoft office. May as well ask me to program the VCR. Lol**

**Guess i can hop to a new chapter now, huh? isn't that great?**

**oh, and if i have many more typos than i used to, blame my brothers. They haven't re-installed MS office thingys yet. (re: i don't know how to work machines)**

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Three days of agony and she still couldn't make a choice.

Rose sat at her desk at work and lay her head down on the table, listening to the soothing tapping of her peers typing on their keyboards.

There was nothing she could do, no way to make a choice. How could she break either of the two men's hearts? It was no longer a decision about her own life, it was a decision about theirs. Rose had gotten to the point where she didn't care about what happened to her any more, she just wanted to be fair to Sim and The Doctor.

The tapping of one of the keyboards stopped, and Rose was aware that someone was standing over her desk. She lifted her head slowly and hoped that no one was announcing the presence of either of her two problems.

The woman who worked closest to her, Enid, was standing above her. Enid seemed to be about the same age as Rose, and looked friendly, but the two of them had never shared a conversation. Enid worked with accounts, and always seemed immersed in her work. It was strange to see her away from her own desk and in front Rose's, but she sighed with relief at her presence.

"Expecting someone else?" Enid questioned, raising an eyebrow. Rose almost laughed, but still looked at the brunette fondly. There was something sincere in her brown eyes beneath the thin framed glasses she wore, even if she had never even acknowledged Rose's existence before.

"Boy trouble." She stated mock cheerfully.

"Oh really?" Enid pulled a chair from the corner of the room and sat in front of Rose's desk. "Tell me. I need something to distract me from company accounts.

It was Rose's turn to raise a quizzical eyebrow.

"Why the sudden interest?" She queried. Enid looked kind of guilty.

"We've never paid much attention to you, have we?" She said apologetically.

"Well, no. But i don't mind. I'm kind of mental, you know. You must have noticed at some point."

"Well... yes." Enid admitted. "But you're a really sweet person - or so i've heard in your conversations with yourself." She tried to joke, but it came out weakly. Rose could only smile at how she was making an effort.

"You could help me with my problem to make up for it." She suggested.

"Well, I'm no expert on guys, but i can try. What's your problem?"

"I have two."

"Problems?"

"Guys."

"Oh. Not too many of us have that problem do we? Can't get out of one relationship and into a new one?"

"Something like that..." Rose leaned backwards and her chair sqeaked a little. "There's this guy, and I was with him for a couple of years."

"Long term relationship. Were you going to get married?"

"No!" Rose said a little too quickly. "It wasn't even like that." She said more quietly. "We weren't dating at all, but we travelled together. I loved him, but I never expected him to love me in return. We just... travelled. It was all a game until..." Rose wondered how she could explain what had happened in normal terms. "Circumstances changed and i was forced to leave him." Rose settled on the cryptic response.

"What happened?"

"I can't really explain. We were kind of... torn apart."

"Okay, okay. So you won't tell me. Go on."

"Well, when I came here I met this new guy. He was... is nothing like The-" She caught the words before they escaped her lips, not wanting Enid to think she was any weirder than she must have already thought.

She wanted the chance to get this out and have some advice from someone. The only human contact she had had in a long time was Sim, and the only other contact she'd had was with The Doctor. Neither of them could help her solve her problem.

"He was nothing like the man i loved. He is safe... domestic. He's never gotten me into trouble and it's possible that I could settle down with him, have a normal life..."

"But you don't know whether you should wait for the other one? You're still in love with him and the danger and the travelling, right?"

"Yeah, but I don't have to worry about waiting any more. I've already screwed that up and now he's back and... and I just don't know what to do. They both say they love me."

"That's a pretty hard question. I bet you want someone else to decide for you now." Rose smiled at her.

"It's like you read my mind."

"Your heart can't choose?"

"Nope."

"Well, you're gonna have to use your mind, then."

"How?"

"Don't ask me, I just dispense the advice, I don't explain it." Enid looked apologetic again. "I can't tell you what to do."

There was silence between the two girls for a few minutes, and Enid looked over her shoulder at her empty desk.

"I should get back to work." She mumbled. She looked Rose in the eye once again, and Rose was calmed by the look she gave.

"Who needs you more?" She asked as she stood up. "That's what I always wanted in a guy. Someone who I loved, who loved me and needed me, too. Its no use if they don't need you, because then you have nothing to offer."

"Thanks." Rose said softly as Enid left her and she was alone once more. She looked down at the open report on her desk and pondered her situation once more. Did either of them need her? What could they possibly need her for?

**

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This chapter came right out of the blue in my mind. Hope its not too boring because its one of those in-between chapters where you can't think of how to continue, so i just made it up as i went along.**

New character? Why not? Rose obviously couldn't work out this problem on her own. We're not going to be seeing any more of Enid, though. She was just there for the chapter

**Have to end this SOOOON. It's driving me crazy.**

**Also, forgive any badness in this chapter. I really hated it, but i needed to make way for the next part.**

**Review :)**

**Mikkifavo**


	18. The Doctor vs Sim

**I am seriously trying to get this new chapter out a.s.a.p... went on a camp. It was fun and all, but I missed writing this story. Then I read over my reviews and I was so happy that I knew I had to write this straight away.**

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The Doctor couldn't bring himself to leave Rose's apartment until she had made a decision. He knew he was pushing her a little hard in her choice, but he thought that maybe if she was forced to do it quickly her instinct might be to stay with him right away. 

He was beginning to think that maybe he was a little premature in his assumptions about how easily he could attract Rose back to her old way of life. Maybe being with another human was what she had always wanted, and he had been wrong when he believed she'd give him forever. Maybe she'd forgotten she had ever made that promise.

The more The Doctor thought about it, the more he realised that Rose had never really promised per se. She had said forever, and he had interpreted that as a promise, but maybe falling in love with a human was what she needed for a normal life.

No matter what the conflicting thoughts in his mind were, he didn't want to leave until she had made her own decision. He could hear his beloved TARDIS calling out to him, but ignored it. She could wait a couple of weeks, at the least.

He could hardly believe that he had almost domesticated himself. While Rose was at work he had taken to cooking and cleaning in the absence of having anything better to do. He couldn't exactly sit in front of the television for three days straight, no matter how much he loved using quotes he pciked up in limitless witty ways.

Right now, though, The Doctor had found himself drawn once again to Rose's tidy, Rose-smelling room. He had to resist the urge to look through the many drawers that he imagined he would no doubt gain hours of entertainment searching through.

He wanted to touch his Rose again, and her room was as close as he was going to get until she made her decision. As he lay down on her bed, he couldn't think of anything but her. Her smile, her laugh, the way she would always hold his hand. He wondered if they would ever have that same relationship again, if it would be different or the same – if, of course, she decided she would come with him.

The Doctor was conflicted. Part of him wanted Rose to be happy, wherever she was and whoever she was with, but another, bigger part of him had decided that Rose belonged with him and belonged to him, and that he would never be whole again until she was by his side in the TARDIS once again.

"Ahem." The Doctor sat up quickly, knocked out of his contemplative mood by the sound. He hadn't heard anyone come in the door, but he was deep in thought. As he turned his attention to where the sound was coming from, he saw Sim standing in the doorway.

"How did you get in here?" He demanded. Sim dangled a key from his fingers and The Doctor just glared.

"Comfortable in here?" Sim asked sarcastically.

"You wouldn't know." The Doctor countered.

"Well…" Sim said slowly. "You know… I did-"

At this, The Doctor snapped. Sim didn't even finish his sentence before he was off the bed and in front of Sim in a flash, he was only slightly taller than the other man, and puffed himself up a little more to look more threatening.

"Don't you dare insult my Rose's honour." He growled dangerously. Sim stepped backwards a little, causing The Doctor to give a satisfied grin.

"What?" He asked. "_YOUR _Rose? She's not yours, so she can do whatever she wants." His voice shook to begin with, but as he stepped forward once more and matched The Doctor's glare, his tone was firm and angry. "Rose doesn't belong to anyone."

"And she certainly doesn't belong to you, so I'm telling you to back off, Sim."

"You may be an alien who can show her everything the universe has to offer, but she told me that there's one thing I can give to her that you can't _Doctor_." The Doctor almost cringed at the scathing way that Sim said his name.

"I can give her anything she wants." The Doctor insisted. I can make her happy. I showed her how to live." He had wanted to order Sim to back off, but now it just seemed as if he was pleading with the man to accept him.

"You were a part of her life a long time ago." Sim told him. "She needs something new, something stable that she can rely on. She could never rely on you the way she can rely on me."

The Doctor closed his eyes, rage building inside his mind and body as he wondered whether Rose had told Sim everything about their time together.

"You would leave her." Sim continued to verbally attack The Doctor. "You left her on that space station, you sent her back home in the heat of a battle…" The Doctor wasn't too bothered by these petty insults. If Rose had of really felt strongly about that stuff, she would have told him.

When Sim took a breath to hurl his final punch, The Doctor braced himself for nothing but his own backlash. "You lost her in the vortex. It was your fault _Doctor_. _YOU_ should have pulled that lever, not her. You caused her to come to me."

The Doctor's calm mood suddenly dissolved, and before he had the chance to control his own actions, he had slammed his closed fist into Sim's face. As Sim staggered backward, The Doctor just stood completely still as he watched him and blinked.

It wasn't that he didn't expect him to retaliate, it was just that he had just hit a completely innocent human in a fight over a girl. He closed his eyes and stood still as he waited for the violent response to his action. He wasn't disappointed as a fist connected first with his gut, then with his face.

He had to remind himself that he deserved it all as he realised that Sim was much stronger than he looked and pushed him backwards so that he fell back onto Rose's bed. He stopped himself from impulsively hitting the man again, because what would Rose think if she knew that he had started a fight in her bedroom?

"Sorry." He grunted from the bed as Sim advanced on him again. This stopped Sim short.

"You're sorry?"

"That's what I said, wasn't it?" Sim seemed taken aback by the apology.

"I thought you were an arrogant alien. That you think you're better than me." Sim said, astounded.

"Make no mistake in my motives." The Doctor told him as he got to his feet once more. "I'm sorry for hitting you, it was uncalled for. But you…" The Doctor looked down on Sim once more. "Believe me when I say that I _will_ get Rose. I love her, and for your information, I _am_ better than you."

Sim managed to look incredulous for the second time in less than 2 minutes, and The Doctor couldn't keep away his sneer. "I can give her everything that you can't."

"And I can give her the one thing you can't give her. Something she wants more than you can imagine. I'm a human. I can grow old with her, live my life with her, be on Earth."

"She doesn't want that." The Doctor croaked out weakly. He neither sounded nor felt very sure of himself. "She loves to travel. She... She needs me."

**"**If she needed you so much, then where were you for the past three years, Doctor. She lived without you and proved she doesn't need you at all.**"**

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**Sorry, i _had_ to end it there. I need to go to bed, and i really badly want this chapter up. it was pretty shottily written, sorry**

**mikkifavo**


	19. Giving up

**I can't believe I'm up to chapter 19. **

**Maybe I should have waited till the next chapter to say 'I can't believe I'm up to chapter 20' but I've only just realised how huge this story has gotten. Have I mentioned before that I am not a master of finishing stories? This is getting closer and closer to an ending (I think)**

**Thanks to all of my reviewers up to this point. I don't think I would have gotten this far without you guys. :)**

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Rose came home to find Sim sitting on the lounge chair in front of her TV. He didn't look especially interested in what he was watching, and looked over as she walked in the door and placed her keys on their hook. The Doctor was nowhere to be seen. She checked the kitchen, her room and the bathroom with Sim now pretending to watch the TV intently before she decided to ask him.

"Where's The Doctor?" She asked as calmly as possible. She was desperately hoping that he hadn't gotten bored of waiting and left her, but didn't want Sim to see how much she would care if he was gone. She quickly reminded herself that it may have made her choice a little easier as Sim removed his eyes from the television screen to give her a hurt look.

"Why?" Sim asked sadly. "Are you gonna choose him?"

"I haven't chosen yet." Rose stated flatly.

"But if he left for good would you die inside, Rose?" Rose shook her head, trying to shake thoughts of The Doctor out of her head as she talked with Sim.

"Would you choose him over me any time?" He probed. "I'll fight for your love, but if you love him more, there's nothing I can do."

"Sim, I love you, too. The Doctor is… that lifestyle is…"

"What you wanted a long time ago?" He suggested for her. "You don't know if you want it any more, right?" Rose nodded slightly, wondering what he was getting at. He got up from the chair and approached her. "But Rose…" He whispered. "You love him as a person more than you could ever love me, don't you? You were just with me because you couldn't be with him, and now you're still trying to decide because I'm 'safe'"

"Where's this coming from, Sim? I never told you anything like that." Sim suddenly turned angry.

"You would go with him in an instant if you weren't afraid of dying!" He exclaimed. "You're not in love with me; you're just in love with something that HE can't give you!"

"Don't say that Sim." Rose whispered as tears began to sting her eyes.

"The truth hurts, doesn't it?" He asked more softly, putting a comforting arm around Rose. "You love him, and I can't keep you away from him, Rose. You belong with him."

"But does he love me? Does he need me?"

"Actions speak louder than words." Sim commented cryptically.

"What do you mean?" Sim sighed and pointed to a bloody tissue on the coffee table.

"He hit me." He stated simply. "Right here." He removed his arm from around her and gingerly touched his nose. It was only then that Rose realised his slightly black eye. She had missed it when she had come in.

"You fought?" Rose's tone was disapproving.

"He fought for you, and he won. We had a talk, me and him, and we decided that he won. Your heart belongs to him."

Rose was so confused that she had to sit down.

"You're just… giving up?" She asked. Sim nodded solemnly as he sat next to her. "So where's The Doctor?" Rose asked again. Sim shrugged.

"He just ran off somewhere. I guess he wanted to give us some space. He seems to be considerate like that. He even apologised for hitting me." Rose frowned.

"Did he start it?" She questioned. It didn't really matter; she wasn't bothered by the situation as much as she thought she'd be, she just had nothing else to say to Sim. Everything was… weird now that he had said she could be with The Doctor. He had practically just given her permission to dump him out of her life and never come back, and it all felt wrong somehow.

**

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Sorry for the short chapter. I'm building up to something...**

I know, I know. It seems like I skipped a scene. I'm not telling you what kind of conversation The Doctor and Sim had with one another, you can just imagine it. Maybe they didn't have a talk at all; maybe Sim has some sinister motives behind his conversation with Rose. Maybe… I'll work it out before the next chapter?

Those sound like awfully good ideas, though. Hopefully the next chapter will be up soon, and I promise that all will be revealed… before the end of this story.

Mikkifavo


	20. Decisions

**Haha! I made you all think that Sim did something to The Doctor. That was not my intention, and although that would be a good storyline, The Doctor did, in fact, just leave Sim alone in the apartment. It wouldn't have fit in with my story any other way. I still have a lot to reveal about Sim (how about EVERYTHING?) and it'll come soon, I think. **

"**It's the most wonderful time of the year" There are some people I know who would say right away: 'bah humbug' – my little brother for one – but I LOVE Christmas. Just… why does it have to be so damn busy? I've got choir performances here, there and everywhere (for anyone who cares, I am a member of the Green Valley Youth Choir), parties, work, uh… work… Christmas shopping, church stuff. It's like they wait all year to give you all this stuff to do, then hope you can fit it in the limited amount of weekends you get in December. Hehe. Its all actually very exciting. **

**Wanted to wish you all a very merry Christmas season, and seeing as how I'm an Aussie and I'll get Christmas before you, I wanted to sing (cough cough - write) you an Aussie Christmas song:**

**Dashing through the bush  
****In a rusty Holden ute  
****Kicking up the dust  
****Esky in the boot  
****Kelpie by my side  
****Singing Christmas songs  
****Its summer time and I am in my singlet, shorts and thongs **_(at this point, might I add that thongs are flip flops in Australia)_

**Oh jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way  
****Christmas in Australia on a scorching summers day, hey  
****Jingle bells, jingle bells Christmas time is beaut  
****Oh what fun it is to ride in a rusty Holden ute**

**Come the afternoon  
****Grandpa has a doze  
****The kids and Uncle Bruce  
****Are swimming in their clothes  
****The time comes round to go  
****We take the family snap  
****And pack the car and all shoot through before the washing up**

**Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way  
****Christmas in Australia on a scorching summers day, hey  
****Jingle bells, jingle bells Christmas time is beaut  
****Oh what fun it is to ride in a rusty Holden ute**

**Woooo!!!!!!! My HUGEST AN EVER! For anyone who doesn't usually read my ANs, they have to do a whole heap of scrolling. :)**

**That song actually reminded me of when I arrived at Sydney airport for the first time in my life. They have this majorly huge mural spreading across a few walls that explain what Aussie terms mean. Such as 'togs' or 'cozzie' woo for Aussies and our unintelligible slang!**

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The Doctor walked along the street near Rose's apartment. 

He wanted to leave Rose and Sim alone for a while as he felt that he was imposing on her space, but he didn't want to wander too far. He couldn't bear to have Sim up there alone with her, but he forced himself to do it for Rose's sake. When he saw Rose return home from work, he was still pacing up and down her street like some crazy stalker.

It was time for a reflection on the events of the past week or two, because a lot had happened to him. He left Diego back on Earth; his TARDIS (who was still insisting that he come back) had taken him to see The Face of Boe, who seemed to be possessed by some entity, but had managed to give him his message anyway. He found Rose, albeit a shadow of his old Rose, and then he had come back to the real Rose three years after she had been trapped in 'Pete's World'. He had a tearful reunion with Rose, and had met Sim.

Sim… The Doctor thought about the one who had consoled Rose's broken heart in his absence. There was something not-quite-right about Sim, and somehow he knew that Mickey would be the one to give him the answers he needed.

From what he had gleaned from his short and unexciting conversations with Rose, Mickey had stopped visiting her after she had met Sim. He would call her once in a while, but would always ask if she was still seeing Sim, and would refuse to come around with some stupid excuse about his girlfriend.

The Doctor made his mind up as he passed Rose's apartment block for the fiftieth time that night. He would go back to the mansion before Rose woke up the next morning, give Jackie an update on how much she had hurt her daughter, find Mickey to have a long, hard conversation with that idiot about how important it was that he explain everything about Sim.

He was pleased with himself for making a decision, and as he checked his watch and saw that is was 8pm, he made his way back to Rose's.

OIOIIOIOIOIOIIOI

Sim stood up as soon as The Doctor re-entered and hurriedly moved out through the open door. The Doctor gave Rose a questioning glance, but she just shrugged.

"Don't know I did to him." The Doctor commented thoughtfully.

"You don't know? Doctor! You punched him in the nose!" Rose indicated to the bloody tissue that Sim had left on her coffee table and The Doctor winced.

"I apologised." He defended himself. "Sim just… riled me up, that's all."

"Well, I'm glad you apologised to him. Maybe you're a good man, after all." Rose told him, now standing so close to him that he could feel her breath on his chin as he looked down at her and she looked up at him.

"What did Sim say to you while I was gone?" The Doctor asked her, feeling a twinge of hope fill his heart.

"He said…" Rose reached up to whisper in his ear. "My mind is not made up yet." She whispered apologetically. The Doctor shuddered with disappointment and Rose moved away to show him a small smile.

"You hungry?" She asked. "Cause I thought we could go find some place that is still selling chips." The Doctor forced a smile onto his face.

"You bet." He said with as much enthusiasm as he could muster, once again brushing away the TARDIS' insistent calling in his mind.

OIOIOIOIOIOIOIOI

The Doctor didn't sleep. He kind of wished that Mickey didn't sleep either so that he could just go over there and be done with it.

He was now officially sick of competing with this 'Sim' character for Rose's love, and any information that Mickey might have to give him would be valuable to him.

Before the sun had even risen, The Doctor had left as quietly as possible, leaving a note so that Rose wouldn't think he had gone off and left her. He didn't say exactly where he was going in the note, but hoped that Rose would just take it as a gesture of good faith towards Sim once more in giving them space.

Maybe she'd think he was going back to his TARDIS. He had told her that she'd been nagging him to come back all week.

When he finally buzzed at the gate (telling himself that being woken at ridiculous hours would not do well for Jackie's temper and he should give her a minute or two to calm down as he got to the door) he was surprised when Pete answered the intercom right away.

"You're up early." The Doctor commented.

"Yeah." Pete chuckled and brought static along with it. "Annie decided to get me up at 5am, so it'll be good to have some adult company while Jackie enjoys her Saturday sleep in till lunchtime." The Doctor laughed politely back, wishing that he had not started a conversation at the gate when he was absolutely itching for some information to help him get Rose back.

"Rose isn't with you, is she?" Pete asked suddenly when The Doctor finally thought he was about to be invited in.

"No." The Doctor answered sadly. "Rose is who I've come to discuss."

"Problems?" Pete questioned.

"Can we talk about them inside?" He hadn't meant to have that pleading tone in his voice, but Pete got the message right away and let him inside. The electronic gates swung open and The Doctor swaggered into the grounds, wondering what type of reception he would get from Jackie this time around.

He would have to wake her up, of course. Jackie would never forgive him if he didn't tell her everything he had found out about Rose, and there was no way that he was going to stick around in the eerily empty mansion until lunchtime.

**

* * *

Hey! It's great. By re-introducing Mickey, I can finally shed some light on one of my mysteries. How great is that? Hehe. It'll come soon, but I'll try to drag it out as long as possible just for all of you on the edge of your computer chairs. :) **

**Might I also mention that I am up to 5500 hits. Woo! I'm on 10 favourites lists, too :) makes me so happy I could sing again. Wait… better leave that till next chapter. I've already racked up 500 words worth of AN.**

**Review coz it'll make me happy. Thanks to my four chapter 19 reviewers for reviewing. RagamuffinSundrop, Scout Girl, Adelian and horsefly. You made me wanna go on after a crappy week. **

**Mikkifavo**


	21. Revelations

**Well, sorry about having such a long AN last chapter, I was really in the Christmas spirit. Gives you some insight into Aussie Christmas time, doesn't it? BBQs and beaches, that's us… well, me and mine, anyway. People outside Sydney may not do the same… and yes, we do have normal Christmas carols and songs. I personally like White Christmas. We're very accepting of EVERYTHING down here. Kind of ironic that I sing it almost every day, though, because my one experience with snow was around my birthday about two years ago. It should be 'I'm dreaming of a white birthday, just like the one I used to know.'**

**Well, for anyone who thinks it doesn't snow in Australia, let me just say YOU'RE wrong! You just have to know where to look. Just doesn't snow at Christmas, coz its summer and all.**

**Oh! Hey! I thought of an interesting and fun layout for this chapter. Brace yourselves people, coz I'm gonna give some answers. (but it's all gonna make you think: what the heck is she smoking? Interestingly enough, I don't smoke, and I do a minimal amount of drinking, so this is all just my demented mind)**

* * *

The Doctor didn't particularly want to knock on the big wooden front door that was in front of him and be met with either the face of Mickey Smith or his girlfriend, but he really had no choice. He hadn't really wanted to throw an icy bucket of water over Jackie while she was sleeping just because Pete said it was the only way he could wake her up so early, either (well, actually, he had wanted to do that one, and he would give anything for another bucket of icy water to throw over whoever answered the door).

**xoxoxox  
xoxoxox**

Rose found the note from The Doctor and realised that he probably finally missed his TARDIS. She went out to find him and the TARDIS; it had to be somewhere near her parent's mansion, after all. She was met at the front door by Sim. She wanted to get The Doctor back, now completely sure of who she was going to choose, but invited him up anyway. They had to have some kind of talk before she just disappeared.

**xoxoxox  
xoxoxox**

"You're not… you're not really here." Mickey stood shaking in the doorway before he realised that to get rid of his vision of The Doctor, he could just shut the door. He was dismayed when he found that he couldn't close it and so The Doctor on his front doorstep had to be real.

**xoxoxox  
xoxoxox**

"There's something I have to tell you." Rose took a deep breath and was about to explain when Sim interrupted her.

"There's something important I have to tell you."

"Sim, I was going to say that-"

"I think what I have to say is infinitely more important than the revelation that you're finally going to choose The Doctor."

Rose could only stand and blink at Sim in confusion. What was he getting at?

**xoxoxox  
xoxoxox**

"You've met Sim, then?"

"Yes and I need to-"

"You've actually SEEN Sim, then?"

"I really don't understand why you seem so shocked that I-"

"You talked to Sim and Rose was-"

"Stop interrupting me, would you! I don't know why you're so surprised that Rose would actually let me meet Sim, but questioning me over and over is not doing anything for my patience."

**xoxoxox  
xoxoxox**

"You're kidding me, right Sim? Don't tell me things like that. I don't think I can take it right now."

"I am not kidding you and I think that it is now or never. Something is going on, Rose, and I've only just figured out what it is. I should have seen it before. I should have known it from the start, so why haven't I?"

**xoxoxox  
xoxoxox**

"Rose was going to move in with him? How is that even possible?"

The Doctor was beginning to get agitated.

"Because she's an adult and perfectly capable of making her own choices without consulting you."

"That's not what I meant." The Doctor brushed off Mickey's comment, not wanting to drag this conversation into a meaningless argument when he just wanted to get the information and get back to Rose.

"Well, to get to my point. I have a problem with Sim being around. Rose has a choice to make between myself and Sim, and personally, I want her to choose me."

Mickey was staring disbelievingly at The Doctor, and he reached out a finger to poke him in the shoulder.

"Oi! What was that for?" The Doctor complained.

"You're really here and you're really real, aren't you?" Mickey asked.

"There's only one way to find out if you're not seeing things, ask your girlfriend to confirm it all for you."

"No, I don't want to freak her out right now, so I'm going with the assumption that you are real."

**xoxoxox  
xoxoxox**

Rose was sitting on her couch, her head in her hands.

"You see, this is completely not possible. Don't tell me things like that. I need to… I feel insane enough already Sim. Please don't tell me that I am crazier than I originally thought."

**xoxoxox  
xoxoxox**

"So, you've really seen Sim?"

"Yes already." The Doctor growled through gritted teeth. "I even had a fight with him yesterday. Gave him a good jab in the face."

"Well Doctor…" Mickey started, leaning on the doorframe and looking concerned. "I think it is safe to say that I have no idea what's going on."

"All right, we've known that from the beginning. Just tell me what you know about Sim and I'll be on my way to claim my Rose."

"That's just the thing, Doctor. When I met Sim… I didn't meet him. There was no Sim. I just saw Rose talking to no one."

**xoxoxox  
xoxoxox**

"You have to believe it. Look at me, I'm not real, and I suggest you find The Doctor."

"How can you not be real? I can touch you. You can touch…"

"The door?"

"Well…"

"The remote?"

"You never wanted to change the channel."

"Rose, I'm not really here, just like The Doctor wasn't really here before."

"But… but… I've never met you before, Sim. The first time I met anyone like you was that day in my office. You're not like The Doctor."

"I don't know about that…"

"But there's something wrong here. Maybe I am completely nuts. I should have gone to that institution when my mother suggested it. I have schizophrenia."

**xoxoxox  
xoxoxox**

"Did you ever see Rose talking to me?"

"No. I would remember if I saw you."

"No, I wasn't here. Rose had… an… imaginary version of me."

"Well, if she knew you weren't real then why would she… oh…" There was silence as both men considered what they had just shared. "Why would she know that you weren't real, but be completely sure that Sim is?"

"No, that's not what I'm worried about, Mickey-boy. Why can I see the guy if he was never there to begin with? Why could he see the vision of me when I wasn't here?"

Mickey visibly shuddered. "There's something freaky going on here."

"And I think that, whatever Jackie says, Rose is most definitely not mad."

**xoxoxox  
xoxoxox**

"You are not real. I have been talking to some random, not real person and I look like I am completely bonkers to anyone who looks at me-" She took a few steadying breaths. "Oh my gosh, that's why Mickey hasn't come to see me any more, he thinks I've gone completely off the deep end."

"Maybe…" Sim trailed off thoughtfully.

"But what about… what about The Doctor. Is he real, then? He could see you and touch you… Oh, maybe he was just going along with my little made-up world."

"No." Sim told her forcefully. "I had started to think that maybe I wasn't real for a while before The Doctor came back, and when he came… he could see me, touch me. He hit me and made me bleed. He can see me, too. Which is why I'm completely convinced that you are not out of your mind, Rose."

"Then what's going on?"

"I don't know." He admitted. "I don't know anything because up until last night I was completely convinced that I was real."

**

* * *

All right, I don't think there was ever a more confusing chapter in the history of my confusing chapters. Took me forever to put all of this confusing stuff together, and if anyone has any idea of what might be going on, please share. I haven't followed this thought all the way through. Hehe. Although if you check in earlier chapters or Without You by my Side, you might catch a couple of the clues that I left around. Check out my reviews coz some people were deducting throughout.**

**It's funny to think that at the end of chapter 14 I said that I'd need a new chapter. Guess things are just funny that way, never expected to still be going. At least there's an end in sight. :)**

**Ooooh. By the way, I have 6000 hits now. It's much more fun to count my numerous hits than my dwindling amount of reviews for whatever reason.**

**Well, keep reading, keep reviewing. Luv ya all. **

**Mikkifavo**


	22. Do Chapter Names Matter? Can You See Me?

**It's funny how fast a week can go by, and it is also funny how sometimes a week can go by so slowly. It's also quite funny (and by funny I mean depressing) that the money in your bank account can quickly disappear over Christmas while you're also not working… Hmm, life is just funny that way.**

**Meh sorry about the week-long gap between chapters. Do I always do that? Because this is the first time I've noticed. You know how hard it is to write when you're feeling depressed? Well, maybe not for some stories, but this one is definitely not a story that works when you're sad. I'm trying. Believe me, I'm trying. Christmas isn't doing the job it is supposed to do.**

**Thanks for your reviews. You're all so encouraging. I loved the last chapter and I'm glad you guys loved it too. Nice to know I did something right.**

* * *

"Rose!"

"Doctor?"

When The Doctor burst loudly into Rose's apartment with Mickey in tow, Rose jumped up from her position next to Sim. He ran and pulled her into his arms right away, but Rose wouldn't meet his gaze. After a short silence, The Doctor was the one to speak.

"Rose, I know... Mickey told me."

"Who told you?" Rose pulled away from The Doctor and finally looked over at Mickey standing awkwardly by the door. Sim was now standing next to him, too with a huge Doctor-like grin on his face.

"He can't see me." Sim stated simply, turning and waving his hand in front of Mickey's face. "I should have found this out a long time ago."

Any other time, Rose may have found Sim's antics amusing, but neither she nor The Doctor smiled when Sim made various faces and danced around like a prat right in front of the clueless Mickey. He quickly grew sick of the game and reached out to poke him, but his hand went right through Mickey's shoulder.

"Hmm. Don't know if I was expecting exactly that." He muttered as everyone else in the room stayed completely silent. "I guess that proves it all then. I'm not really here. Which leaves us with that huge problem of: where did I come from in the first place, why can I touch you guys and not everything else and why did I not know that I wasn't here until now. I mean, I couldn't exactly interact with anyone else, but I wasn't always here. I lived in a house and went to work and did things that people do. Where did all that come from?"

"I don't know. But Rose…" The Doctor lifted her chin so that she was looking in his eyes. "You're not crazy and I promise that I'll get to the bottom of this."

"And you'll fix me?" Rose questioned.

"Oh Rose…" The Doctor held her in his arms tightly.

From the doorway, Mickey cleared his throat.

"Anyone wanna tell me what's going on?" He asked after they broke apart awkwardly.

"Well, if we knew, then don't you think we'd tell you?" The Doctor asked him.

"No." Mickey said simply.

"You've got a point there." The Doctor mused. "But we still have no idea what's going on."

"All right. I get the point." Mickey conceded. Sim stayed silent throughout the exchange. After hsi initial joy at being able to do whatever he wanted in front of Mickey, he didn't seem completely comfortable with the knowledge that he couldn't see him, and so made no sound.

"Sim…" Rose started. Mickey suddenly looked nervously around himself and Sim looked at him warily before turning his eyes to Rose and The Doctor.

"Don't worry about it all." He told her. "The Doctor will sort it all out, I promise."

"Then what'll happen to you?" Rose frowned at him. "Where did you even come from? The Doctor was… he was a memory someone to…" She gave a thoughtful pause and turned to The Doctor, changing the subject because of what she had just realised. "You never told me how you knew I had a fake Doctor to keep me company. You didn't look surprised when I was talking about him."

"That's because…" The Doctor rubbed the back of his head. "Because I…" He coughed awkwardly. He pulled Rose back into his arms. "I had you there to tell me." He said softly.

"How did I know?" Rose looked confused. "I never know anything and the Doctor that I had here never told me anything about you. He just talked about the past."

"I don't know why, Rose. Our counterparts were…" He placed a hand gently on her cheek. "I'll never leave you and I'll never understand why he did. Maybe when I get his memories-"

"Wait! We'll get their memories?" Rose questioned him. "I'll be able to remember being with you all those years?"

The Doctor looked a little sheepish once more.

"Rose…" He said apologetically. "You weren't… I wasn't…"

"There's a lot you haven't told me, Doctor. But we've got plenty of time for that, haven't we? I'm going back with you, leaving all of this behind me, and I'll find out what happened in time, won't I?"

"You can't come with me yet. We've still got two problems to solve."

"The mystery of my insanity can no doubt be solved at any time in the TARDIS… what's the second problem?"

"Your mother."

**

* * *

Well, fun as that was fun… or not.  
You always have to write a boring chapter or two (or six) in between the good ones. Well, maybe you don't, but I find it hard to make this more than a fill-in-the-gap chapter when I am not completely inspired and all my creative energy is trying to wrap presents that I spent my hard-earned (cough cough) money on. (and believe me, years of wrapping my little brother's presents for my mother on Christmas Eve has not done anything good for my present-wrapping skills)**

**Anyway, I didn't mean to talk about that. **

**HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS, GUYS **

**(and a happy New Year if I don't update before then. Hope I do, cause… well, cause I love all your reviews and I wanna make your holidays happy)**

**I send you Peace, Love and Joy from my wonderful home of Sydney (who gets Christmas and New Year before you all. WOOOOO. Suckers. Eat my bubbles --– sorry getting a little carried away. You can tell this wasn't written at the same time as the rest of my AN)**

**Mikkifavo**


	23. Merry New Year! What the heck's goin on?

**Chapter 23! Woo! Can't believe I'm up to… wait a second… Didn't I do this already? I must be running out of things to say ((shock-horror)) **

**Well, I'll probably make up for it with a yammer at the end. (sometimes _I _can't even understand myself)**

* * *

Now it was Rose's turn to look awkward. She obviously wasn't ready to see her mother again yet. It had been so long, after all. He looked sympathetically down at her and when she looked away, he stared pointedly across the room at Mickey. It was a clear message and Mickey coughed to draw Rose's attention. 

"I think I should be going. He told her, stepping closer for the first time since he had been in her apartment. He moved hesitantly, but once he was close, he drew her into a hug without a second thought. The Doctor moved back to allow this, smiling at the thought that he had just reconciled the two childhood friends.

The hug went on for longer than he anticipated and when they started whispering to each other, The Doctor withdrew to Sim's side.

"So…" He started. "Even though you're not real, I'm still sorry about hitting you."

"I know." Sim smiled and inclined his head. "I know what she sees in you. I was serious about what she said - what she felt. I can… feel what she wants, what she's scared of and who she loves. I think that's how I realised I wasn't real. I could suddenly feel… her… when she chose you."

"So you can tell what she's feeling now?" The Doctor asked him suggestively.

"And you know that I'm not going to tell you, Doctor. I will tell you that she's at peace, though. She always… well, you know it was always going to be you."

"No I didn't." The Doctor admitted.

"If you didn't, then I suggest you take some time to get to know her feelings."

"We'll have all the time in the world." The Doctor smiled at him. Sim just grinned right back.

"You're going to have a handful once Rose gets those memories back. Both of you… there'll be nothing that can be hidden."

"Do you know what I'm feeling?" Sim didn't answer, but the smile didn't move from his face.

"Maybe there was something she saw in me after all." He told him before moving backwards towards the door. Mickey was doing the same.

"I'll be back, Rose." Sim promised her. "You and The Doctor just need… you need to work some things out. Rose nodded, and as Mickey opened the door, Sim slipped out of it. Then the two intruders were gone and it was just The Doctor and his Rose.

"Well." He stated as their eyes met. "I think we'd better have a look at those tapes that you made, right? They could blow this whole thing wide open."

"What tapes are you talking about?"

"You know, when you say strange things. I want to listen to those, Rose."

"Yeah… sure… my crazy tapes. You can listen to those if you want to."

"And you're going to listen with me?" Rose stared at him in silence for a minute. She looked into his eyes and basked in his gaze. She hadn't even realised how much she had missed the pleading look he would give her when he wanted her help, and even though she knew she was going to say yes, she had to leave him in suspense for a couple of moments, at least.

"I've got just the one to listen to." She stated happily, her mood having completely changed as she bounced into her bedroom and left The Doctor to follow her more slowly.

For some reason, even though Rose had been fine with Sim listening to her tapes, she was uncomfortable with The Doctor doing it. He seemed to sense her discomfort and gripped her hand reassuringly as they sat on her bed and listened to the tape playing silence that was only interrupted by the rustling of paper.

"What book was it?" He questioned. Rose gave him a bemused look and shrugged. "Just wondering." He commented before the two sat in silence once more. There were a few more minutes of silence before The Doctor spoke again. "How long is this gonna take?" He whined.

"I don't know." Rose admitted. "This was one of the first tapes and I've never listened to it before."

"Then how do you know that you do it in this tape?"

"Because I always do it."

"That's not an answer and you know it, Rose."

"Well, I can no longer use the excuse 'because I'm insane', so I'm just gonna go to the tried and true, Doctor: because it just is. I know it cause – hey, I coulda put on any tape I had listened to before Doctor, but I chose this one… and why haven't I listened to it before, anyway? I've heard all the rest of them, why not this one? This one was waiting for you to be with me, Doctor.

**

* * *

--exclaims excitedly and jumps up and down squealing--  
If you think that's maybe a little bit too much enthusiasm over this chapter, then you'd be right, but I just saw The Runaway Bride!!!!!!!!!  
I just wanna run around exclaiming, but really, that would be a MASSIVE overreaction on my part seeing as how when my friend said she was engaged I said 'YAY' (not a big enthusiasm person, me – or emotion of any kind but lets just say that I am thoroughly obsessed with Doctor Who)  
If any of you are also thinking why am I only watching it now (December 31st) when it was on tv on Christmas Day, it is because we Aussies aren't meant to get it for another 6 months, at least. I'm so excited I can hardly contain it… well, actually, I think its time for bed. All this excitement has worn me out. **

**Now, about this chapter - I can't believe how long this one's taken me to write. Now I know that nothing's happened in this chapter – well, except maybe The Doctor's introduction to Rose's 'crazy tapes'**

**Oh well, sorry. I wanted to get this chapter up before Christmas, but you all know how plans work out when you haven't finished the work yet. I really had to rush to get this chapter up because I need to get it up before New Year. I'm going on a camp!! Woo!! And I get to dress up as a superhero/supervillain hehe. Guess which one I'll be? I'm gonna go as the evil one in Charlie's Angels – you know, Demi Moore's character? Well, the exciting thing is that my brother's going as The Doctor!!!! Woo Hoo, someone needed to! In the absence of a pinstriped suit or anything equally outrageous (or even a leather jacket) we got him some pyjamas and a dressing gown so he can go as The Doctor from The Christmas Invasion. He just needs a sword…**

**Well, anyway, I think that this AN is quite long enough now. Hope you all had a great Christmas and best wishes for a happy New Year. Hope you'll stick with me until after this camp for the conclusion of my story (which hopefully is not too far away)**

**Yeah, once again, sorry for typos - tonight's REALLY not a spelling and grammar checking night - in fact, I have a headache. Sorry. **

**Mikkifavo**


	24. voices and changes

**Yeesh, where's my muse? Come back muse!!! I haven't been able to write anything about this for a week. How much does that suck? Well, at least I'm doing something now.**

**Dammit! What's on that tape? I didn't think this far ahead (well, I never do, actually) and now I have to give you all something good. I'm not good at that.**

**150 reviews!! Yay. Never EVER thought I'd be getting to this place. Thank you all so much. My 150th reviewer was… hmm… HarryWhoFanatic. (almost didn't recognise you with a new name)**

**Got a new reviewer, too. Thanks to forestwife**** :) I'm always happy when i get new reviewers.**

* * *

The voice that came from the tape was low and echo-ey and filled with a quiet authority. Rose listened to it speak some unintelligible words before there was silence once more. She felt uncomfortable. She had definitely heard her voice speak the words, but in all the tapes she had listened to, she'd never heard anything like that. It was so different, so… wrong. She looked over at The Doctor to find him staring at her tape player in shock. 

"That was completely different from all the rest of them, Doctor." She told him. He turned his head slightly to regard her with interest.

"You… you didn't understand that?" He asked her.

"No. Should I have understood it?" She asked him back. There was a pause while The Doctor looked back to the tape player as if anticipating more. "Wait…" Rose started. "YOU understood me?" She questioned.

"We should listen to another tape." He said suddenly, completely ignoring her question and changing the subject.

"No. First you're going to tell me what you think is going on." She demanded. "If I was speaking words, what did I say?"

"Rose… it's… it's complicated. Don't ask me to say it now. Play a couple more tapes then I need to take you back to the TARDIS. I think I know how to fix whatever is wrong with you now."

"You do?" Rose stood quickly to comply with his request to listen to a new tape. Although she was perplexed by whatever she had said that The Doctor wouldn't tell her, it didn't matter so much compared to the fact that she could finally be free of people thinking she was mentally ill. She could go back to her mother and not be scared of a new outburst, and everything would finally be all right. She pressed play and stepped back.

"You heard this one before, then?" The Doctor asked her.

"I can't remember what's on it."

"Well, that doesn't really matter, does it? We'll just listen."

There was silence in the room once more as they listened for something. Rose sat down and stood back up, then sat down again as The Doctor sat still. Rose wasn't sure what she was worried at, but as she sat down for the sixth time, she heard herself start to speak.

"Is that a technical term, ''jiggery pokery'?" Rose recognised the words a little, but shrugged off the familiarity to look at The Doctor. His eyes were shining with happiness as he looked towards the speakers, this time definitely waiting for more. He wasn't disappointed as Rose's voice spoke again.

"Nah, failed hullabaloo."

Now The Doctor jumped up, switched it off and grabbed hold of Rose's hand, lifting her to her feet.

"You know what this means, don't you?" He asked.

"No." Rose tried to stop The Doctor from spinning her around in a circle, and as she did he frowned and stopped dancing around.

"You don't remember saying that?" He asked her.

"No."

"It was our first date, remember? We had chips."

"Was I talking to you, then?"

"Yeah. I was fixing up your phone, Rose."

Rose held her head in her hands. "Why can't I remember?" She wailed.

"Don't worry about it, Rose. Soon all your memories will be back where they should be. I can promise you that."

OIOIOOIOIOIOIOOIOIIOIIOIOIOIOIIOI

Stepping into the TARDIS again was something magical for Rose. She had been away from it for so long… too long. She hadn't noticed how much she had missed the old blue box until she saw it sitting conspicuously in an alleyway and she finally felt like she was going home. Of course, there was no time to check out her old room or say hello to the TARDIS by stroking its console because as soon as she had closed the door after her, The Doctor had ushered her into the infirmary. He hadn't seemed in too much of a rush to get to the TARDIS, but now he was there, he did everything with a sense of urgency. When Rose finally got to stop for a second, she held up her hands in front of The Doctor, warding him away from pushing her around again.

"Woah, woah, woah. What's the big hurry, Doctor? It wasn't important to move this fast before."

"Yes, but when we got inside the TARDIS…" He trailed off.

"When we got inside the TARDIS what, Doctor? It's safer in here than out there."

"No, that wasn't my point. The fact is, now that you're in here, I'm not sure how… your body is going to… react."

"React to what?"

"Rose." He told her seriously. "Before I came to you – what enabled me to come to you, actually… well, something changed me, and it happened right here in my TARDIS."

"Why would you think that something is going to happen to me?" I'm not a Time Lord."

"No, but I think I know what it was that… changed me, and it'll want to change you, too. Not because of what you are, just because you're in here with me."

Rose was confused by his explanation. It didn't seem possible to her that anyone would be able to infiltrate the TARDIS. She didn't ask that question, though. There was another more pressing matter to ask about.

"You've… changed?" She asked softly. He looked at her sympathetically.

"I'm still me." He assured her. "I'm just…" He trailed off, staring at the wall. "I really don't know what's different about me yet." He said. "We'll have to find out when we get through all of this."

**

* * *

Well, that was an exciting chapter (or not, whatever.) You'd better like it, it took me long enough to write, and it took me forever to pick a quote that I wanted to use too! **

**I don't think I gave away too many answers in this chapter, and hopefully they'll come in the next one.**

**Mikkifavo**


	25. brain scan

**Sorry I'm taking so long (again). I got a bit… distracted… by Neopets. Don't tell me that I'm 19 and shouldn't be on Neopets any more, I can't help it. If you leave those poor little buggers alone for too long, they get really hungry, and to get neopoints you need to spend all night on the games cough dubloon disaster cough**

**Also, I have had a much more worthwhile distraction than Neopets, too. I finally got the season 2 boxset. I spent about half an hour pulling all of it out and staring at the individual parts, then there's the watching of the DVD. **

**Anyway, on with it.**

* * *

"_This is the only chance I'll get to come out and talk through my subconscious. You should know, Doctor, that my mind is broken. People may think I'm crazy, but if you listen to what I say, you'll see that my memories are seeping through into my subconscious. I dream about them and I re-live them in my quiet moments without even realising. I know you'll some back for me someday, Doctor. I believe in you."_

The Doctor stared into Rose's eyes for a few moments, lost in his thoughts. The voice, he'd heard it before. He'd tried to tell himself that the time vortex couldn't possibly have done anything to Rose. In the time they'd spent together since that day on satellite 5, he had made himself believe that Rose was the same as she had ever been. Now there was no denying that the Bad Wolf was still a part of Rose. It seemed that anything to do with the time vortex had been pushed into the back of her mind, and he had to find a way to get everything back. How could he tell Rose that he hadn't completely fixed her that day, though? How could he tell her that the Bad Wolf was still there?

Rose was seated on the infirmary's bed and she seemed to be lost in her own thoughts, too. She sighed before she spoke softly.

"The world doesn't end if The Doctor dances."

"No it doesn't." He whispered in her ear, so acutely aware of how close they were to one another.

"What doesn't?" She breathed back to him.

"A memory." He told her, running his fingers through her hair. "Nothing more than a memory, and I promise I'll get them back for you."

The Doctor pulled away from her abruptly to stop himself from getting lost in his senses. Rose looked a little disappointed and he caught the look, but it faded when she watched him bring some equipment out of a small cupboard. He proceeded to scan her with his sonic screwdriver and looked at the readings on a screen he had facing away from her.

"What do you see?" She asked.

"Nothing out of the ordinary. Just human anatomy."

"Great." He stared at the screen for a while longer, and then flicked off his sonic screwdriver. He looked into her eyes and ran his fingers through her hair, indicating that she should lie down.

"Rose, don't be scared." He told her softly. "I'm going to put you to sleep for a little while so I can check out your head a little. It might hurt a bit."

"I can't be scared when you're around." Rose said softly. He quickly jabbed a needle into her arm.

"That's a very nice thing to say about me, but seriously, this may be uncomfortable for you."

"But I'll be asleep, right?" Rose was already drifting off – he forgot how fast the drug would work on humans.

"Yeah. Just… just don't hate me for not doing everything I should have."

"What do you mean? What…" Rose was gone before she could finish the sentence.

The Doctor sighed and flicked his screwdriver back on. He took a deep breath before placing the tip next to Rose's head. She started to squirm and he almost moved it away, but gritted his teeth and gripped the object tightly as she twitched and made small noises. He pulled his gaze away from her and finally looked back at the screen to see what the readings were. There was a block in part of her brain, and all he had to do was get rid of it, and everything would come flooding back to her… or maybe that was a bad thing. Would it be a problem if everything flooded her mind at once? The Doctor stood staring at the screen and contemplating his dilemma. So when he looked back at Rose he jumped backwards in surprise. She had stopped moving and was now lying down looking at him. Her eyes were golden, and they made him feel uneasy.

"You're… you're the Bad Wolf." He stammered. "You can't be here. I took the vortex out of her head."

"No, I am a part of Rose now. I AM Rose. You cannot have one without the other."

"But you're separate right now." The Doctor pointed out.

"Yes, but that is only because of this universe. It's hard to… survive in this place, so my subconscious is mixing with the Bad Wolf, and everything is out of place. Let me tell you, though. It's good to be back in the TARDIS. I know now why it always felt like home. I have part of her inside of me."

"Does Rose know?"

"I am Rose, Doctor."

"You told me, but does she consciously know that you're a part of her?"

"She will after all of this is over."

"And the other memories?"

"I have all of her memories in me."

"No, the ones from the other Rose."

"There's another Rose?"

"Ah…" The Doctor rubbed the back of his neck. "There's quite a lot of stuff I have to tell you later."

"Do you know how to fix it?"

"Yes."

"Is it going to hurt?"

"Yes."

"Then you'd better tell me – Rose if it makes it clearer for you – what's going to happen to us. Before I change I think I should say something profound to my mother, though."

"And Sim?"

"I'm as clueless as you are, Doctor."

* * *

**Cheese.**

**Sorry, i promised a friend i'd do that...**

**Now, onto some sane words from me...**

**Well, i don't think that i am very sane today, so i've really got nothing to say.**

**If anything in the chapter didn't make sense to you, chances are it doesn't make sense to me, either, so i'll try to work it all out at some point.**

**Sorry about Neopets. I can't help it. I'm trying to find a good DW guild, but no one seems to want to chat on the message boards. What type of Doctor Who fan doesn't want to ALWAYS talk about it?**

**Anyway, please review. You know how much i love reviews. And if i haven't replied to one of your reviews, then yell at me, i've been getting slack about that lately (i don't know if you understand that sentence, but you can kinda work it out)**

**Mikkifavo**


	26. family

**If you can believe it, I now have over 10 000 hits. Wooo! 10 280 as of the beginning of this chapter (and 165 reviews have I told you how much I love you guys?)**

**Heh, I was writing a new chapter of If I Lay Here… I promise I will make the storylines different and I swear I didn't mean to do that in the first place.**

**And yeah, once again I'm not making things very clear. All I can say is that the end of the story is for resolutions, and even though I said this was near the end, I promise I am not purposefully making more complications (that can't be solved in my next story.) **

**This chapter came easier than most. Yay for updating quickly! I'd like to thank my muse and… well, no one. Just my muse. Well, maybe my reviewers deserve some thanks too, so just because I am in a thanking mood (and have nothing else to say to make this a ridiculously long review) I'd like to thank the reviewers of my last chapter, RagamuffinSundrop, forestwife, Scout Girl, Gaiafreedom21 and horsefly.**

* * *

Rose was awake, and The Doctor had decided that maybe it was better for Rose not to know about the conversation that he had just had with her alter ego. Rose had opened her eyes and looked at him hopefully, and all his resolve had melted under that trusting gaze. How long did she say she had been without him? Three years. Three years and she still had that look of love in her eyes. What was it about him? He never understood. All his companions had unwavering trust in him for no reason. He always failed them… 

The Doctor pulled himself out of his sorry thoughts and lifted Rose in his arms. She gave a squeak of surprise and then laughed, and The Doctor felt the joy of old times, laughing in the TARDIS. He felt the TARDIS make a joyful sound, too, and Rose stiffened in his arms. Could she feel the TARDIS? She started to send concerned feelings towards him about his human companion, but Rose seemed to shake off whatever bothered her and looked up into The Doctor's eyes.

"So… We going to see your mother, then?" He asked her. Rose frowned.

"I thought you were going to fix me first?"

"This is going to take some time to fix, Rose. I promise that it won't happen again for a while. You're not yourself yet, but I think I stopped your random outbursts, so we can go see Jackie and Pete and Annie."

"Yeah." Rose mumbled, not entirely enthusiastic. "We can."

OIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOI

Rose stood uncomfortably in the huge study waiting for her family to come in. When the housekeeper had asked her where she wanted to wait for them, she made sure to pick the smallest room in the house, anywhere else would have made it more awkward than it was going to be already. What would she say to her mother? Did she have to be sorry? Was her mum going to be sorry? It was all too confusing, and Rose had to wonder how she could have possibly gotten herself into this situation in the first place. At least The Doctor was here with her… she took hold of his hand as he stood next to her, pretending to be interested in the painting on the wall.

"What's up?" He asked her.

"It's… it's… this is my mum. I shouldn't be so worried, Doctor, so why am I?"

"Why aren't I worried? This is your mum. I think we've swapped places." Rose laughed a little at the comment then she finally seemed to relax a little.

"As long as you're here, I'm okay."

"It's about time you brought her back to me!" Came Jackie's voice from the large doorway to the room. She didn't move from the doorway, she just stood there looking over at Rose as Rose stood attached to The Doctor's arm. Pete walked in after her with Annie in his arms, and when Annie saw her older sister, she squealed with delight.

"Woze!" Pete placed Annie on the floor and she ran over to her sister. Rose bent down to give her a hug, finally letting go of The Doctor's hand. Pete stopped next to Jackie and took her hand, lightly pulling her towards the middle of the room where the other three stood. It was Jackie's turn to look awkward as she came face to face with her daughter and Pete gently let go of her hand. Neither woman seemed willing to make the first move, and so while they stood silently, The Doctor was lifting Annie into the air and spinning her around, making her scream happily. Rose turned her head to smile at The Doctor, then turned back to face her mum, still smiling. Rather than saying anything, she just wrapped her arms around her mum for the first time in what seemed like forever. Jackie burst into tears in her arms.

"I'm so sorry!" She exclaimed. "I didn't mean to send you away, Rose. It's just that after what I said, I didn't know how to take it back."

Rose didn't cry. She didn't say anything, she just held onto her mum like she would hold onto The Doctor. She didn't want to let go because she knew that she would be leaving her again soon and she didn't want to break her mum's heart too early in their reunion. Pete cleared his throat loudly and the two broke apart to see a very distressed Annie in her father's arms.

"Don't worry, sweetheart." Jackie crooned. "It's alright. Mummy's okay, she's just a little sad. It's alright."

Rose had stepped back from the happy family scene, feeling a little bit left out of it. This was her mum, her dad and her sister, but she couldn't bring herself to be a part of that any more. She looked over at The Doctor and he shrugged, but she took hold of his hand once more. She knew who she wanted to be her family now, and being back with the rest of her family just confirmed in her mind the thought of being happy with The Doctor, travelling in his TARDIS once more.

**

* * *

Strewth! **

**Sorry, had to say that one, too. How's that for random outbursts of random-ness? That's me, a whole random person full of random stuff. (random, random, random just for good measure. Think I could fit any more randoms?)**

**Speaking of my sequel sequel, I'm wondering if I should even have one. The next story was supposed to delve into some stuff that I have accidentally (!promise!) melded into this fic. Should I even use a new story, or just keep writing this one until when I would have finished a sequel?**


	27. leaving home

**Oh, chapter 27… I've gotta say, it was a little bit touch and go there with chapter 26. I wanted a lot of reviews, and ending up begging for most of them. I'd like to thank those that answered my pleas, and thank even more those who reviewed of their own accord. If any of you are writers then you'll know how much reviews mean, so thankyou for keeping me going.**

* * *

For once in his life, it was not The Doctor who was antsy to leave. He could almost feel the tension in Rose as they sat across the table from one another eating dinner. It was strange, he had been in one place for weeks now, and a little bit longer suddenly didn't seem to bother him so much.

Rose, on the other hand, had been still for three years. Did she yearn for adventure as much as he did? Was the whole 'settling down' with Sim thing just a big coping mechanism so that she wouldn't actually go crazy thinking about how she could have been travelling with him?

Come to think of it, who was Sim? The past couple of weeks had been as much a learning experience for him as travelling the stars had always been. He yearned for more knowledge, but never thought to look inside himself and see what he was capable of. Now, with everything… The Face of Boe, the Bad Wolf; how was he going to cope with all of this?

He looked up from the pea he had been pushing disdainfully around his plate and saw Rose smiling back at him. He smiled back. He had Rose now, and she had promised him forever, no matter how long her forever was. If there was anyone he could ever cope with, it was Rose Tyler. The two shared a look of understanding, and The Doctor vowed that Rose would understand everything very soon. There was no more waiting. Time was too short to waste not telling his Rose everything that he wanted her to know. Before Rose could turn back to her conversation with her mother, he mouthed the words that he had once found so hard to say.

Annie caught a glimpse of his mouthed 'I love you' and smiled. Smart girl, that Annie Tyler. As intuitive as her sister. It was as if she knew what was going on. The Doctor smiled back at the younger sister, too. The thought registering in his mind that maybe he was becoming a little too domestic for his own good. The Doctor looked away from the little girl with the mischievous grin just as a dollop of mushy peas hit him in the side of the face. He glared back at Annie, bewildered. Maybe she wasn't as smart as he thought she was. Maybe she was just naughty.

OIOIOIOIOIOIOIOI

It was time to go. Rose knew it hours ago, but her mum just wouldn't let her leave her again without doing everything humanly possible to make her stay. She asked her to stay the night, asked her to have lunch, dinner; asked her to look at photos of Annie… Rose couldn't explain the niggling feeling that she had to leave. She had never had this feeling before, but looking at The Doctor, it seemed that he knew exactly what she was going through.

Rose caught his mouthed 'I love you' across the table and smiled. She had a bit more energy to continue talking to her mum, but not much. She had been there since before lunchtime, and she should have left already. Her eyes glazed over as she thought about the beautiful planets that she and The Doctor would go see, the people they would save and the trouble that they would get themselves into. She was a danger junkie, she realised, and she hadn't had it for so long that the urge was pulling at her heart. On the edge of her vision, she saw some food hit The Doctor on the side of the face and smiled again. He wouldn't take that sitting down. And indeed he didn't. Rose wasn't ready for the food that was flung in Annie's general direction, but ended up in her eye. She gave The Doctor a glare that she was sure matched her mum's.

"Doctor." She warned. "Annie's just a kid. YOU have no excuse." The Doctor looked sheepish and Rose could only smile at him, wiping at the gravy-covered mush that had caught the side of her head. "I think it's time we left now, anyway." She said softly, looking right at The Doctor so that she didn't have to meet her mum's eyes.

"But sweetheart." Her mum pleaded. "You only just got here." It broke Rose's heart to break her mum's heart, but there was no place for her in this universe any more.

"Oh Mum." She said, wrapping her arms around her. "You know I have to go."

"I've known the minute he stepped foot in this house." She said accusingly, probably glaring across the table at The Doctor.

"Well." He said suddenly, jumping up and splitting apart the pair. "When you make up your mind to leave, it's a good thing to not make the goodbyes too long."

"Are you coming back this time?" Jackie addressed them both, her eyes shining with tears. Rose hesitated, not sure of how to answer. She looked over to The Doctor for help, but he just shrugged. Rose stood and looked down sadly at her mum.

"I don't know." She admitted. "We'll try, I guess."

"You guess?" That was obviously not the answer Jackie was expecting, and her voice rose as she stood in front of The Doctor and Rose. Pete took a hold of her arms reassuringly.

"This is a different universe, Jacks." He told her softly. "It's not easy to get back to." Rose mouthed a thankyou over her mum's shoulder as she was drawn into another hug.

"I'm gonna miss you, sweetheart. Just remember that I love you." Jackie was sniffing, and Rose could feel her shoulder getting wet, but she couldn't bring herself to cry, she was so antsy to leave this universe that she couldn't feel sad at leaving it behind.

"I love you too, Mum." She managed to choke out. She pulled herself away and moved over to Annie, still in her chair with a bowl full of food. Rose ruffled her hair.

"You be good, now." She told her little sister. "No more food fights." Annie just blinked up at her, looking as if she had no idea what was going on. Rose knew she had a small idea that her sister was saying goodbye, and she nodded her head a little. Rose moved over to Pete and gave him a loose hug before pulling away and edging towards the door with The Doctor at her side.

"I'll take care of her." He promised a bleary-eyed Jackie.

"You'd better take care of yourself, too." Jackie threatened. "I don't want my daughter to have to go through you changing again.

"Yeah…" The group stood awkwardly on opposite sides of the dining room for a few more minutes.

"Well, maybe we'll see you again sometime." The Doctor said cheerfully before he took hold of Rose's hand and ran from the room.

**

* * *

Meh. 4.30am. Meh. It is so wonderful that at last I get the chance to do some solid late-night-early-morning writing. It is about time, seriously. The last time I did this was… oh so long ago. There's more inspiration at night. More craziness, more hyperactivity. Oh how I love the night, with it's bright moonlight stirring the craziness in my mind, while all the sun can do is give me skin cancer. Lol. Oh well. :) **

**Ahh, yes. In my craziness, I didn't bother to edit. I can't find the energy for it anymore, because you're meant to do it a while after you finished writing it the first time. So, if anyone thinks I need a beta and wants the job, this is the only time I'm asking. :)**

**Mikkifavo**


	28. Goodbye

**Hooray for my boring chapter. I was kinda lost for anything exciting to write, but i HAD to post a chapter, so that was what came out. I liked Rose's little sister - she made me smile.**

**Thankyou to everyone who answered my plea and reviewed. I was overjoyed at the response you guys gave me, and i'll never doubt you again.**

* * *

"Doctor." Rose pulled on The Doctor's arm to make him stop in the middle of the street. 

"What?" He turned around to face her.

"We can't leave yet."

"Yeah, I know." He sighed. "We have to go say goodbye to Mickey, right?"

"Well… he did…"

"I have to thank him too. He helped me."

"Really? How did he help you?"

"Lets just say that after all this time, he's the only one who knows you better than me."

"Not better than you. He just knows a different side of me. He knows the side of me that wanted to stay with Sim. That's what you went to Mickey for, wasn't it?" The Doctor looked down at his shoes as he scuffed them along the concrete.

"Maybe." He drawled.

"That's so sweet of you." Rose grabbed his head and pulled it down to kiss the top of it. "You would have done anything to get me back, wouldn't you?" The Doctor grinned at her.

"I would have gone to the ends of the universe. There's no way I'm ever losing you to another man." The Doctor pulled her into a hug.

"I never want to lose you, either, Doctor. Promise me that you'll never send me away again."

"I-" The Doctor hesitated as Rose pulled away and looked into his eyes.

"Because you know that I'll always do anything for you. I even looked into the time vortex to save your life."

"About that, Rose… I-" The Doctor stood wringing his hands nervously.

"Yeah?"

"Were you serious when you said that you'd stay with me forever?"

"Until the day I die."

"And if you were to… uh…" He took a deep breath. "…Not die?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Rose…" The Doctor took a deep breath. "Can we find somewhere to talk about the stuff I haven't told you yet?"

"Sure. Where did you have in mind?"

OIOIOIOIOIOIOIO

The Doctor and Rose sat on a park bench. It was dark, and they both just stared out into the blackness, The Doctor searching for the right words to explain what he needed to Rose, and Rose waiting patiently for him to tell her. She had never doubted that The Doctor would always tell her what she needed to know and no more, so she wasn't bothered much by his silence. This was just another of those quiet moments to treasure before they set off on another dangerous adventure. She was curious, but she knew better than to push The Doctor, so she sat and listened to the crickets chirp. For all her resolve, Rose Tyler was not the most patient of humans. After a long silence, she had to push.

"Spit it out, Doctor. We've been sitting here in silence for ten minutes now. Is this about what's wrong with my head?"

"Yes." The Doctor breathed. He finally turned to look Rose in the eye. "Do you remember anything about having the time vortex in your head?"

"Not really. I have some fuzzy memories of making Daleks die, and you kissed me, but that's about all."

"Do you remember Bad Wolf?"

"Yeah. I remember that one, too."

"I…" The Doctor sheepishly looked down once more. "I don't think I got rid of all the vortex out of your head, Rose."

"You what?" Rose stood up and looked down at The Doctor, who was now finding his fingers extremely interesting.

"I don't think… I _know_ that the Bad Wolf is still a part of you."

"How do you know that?"

"The Bad Wolf is the reason for your memories slipping into your subconscious and your subconscious slipping into your consciousness. If that makes sense at all."

"Maybe. Explain it to me."

"Well, it would seem that the TARDIS was helping you to suppress your memories of that whole… day… and when you came into this universe, your mental barriers started to fall apart and you… well, made it worse and forgot everything. But the Bad Wolf would still come out every now and then."

"So the Bad Wolf is a… a part of me?"

The Doctor frowned.

"Even I don't know everything, and this is one mystery that I don't understand. You have to… well, Rose. If you come back with me, then you're probably going to have to let go of all of those barriers – going home will do that to you… and you'll remember everything about being the Bad Wolf. I don't know what's going to happen to you."

Rose sat back down next to The Doctor. Neither of them looked at each other.

"Then we'll just have to see what happens when we get back there, then." Rose said softly. There was another long, but not uncomfortable silence between the two. They sat for what seemed like hours - and may well have been – before The Doctor jumped up.

"No point waiting for it, then. Let's go say our goodbyes to Mickey-boy and then go home, shall we?" He extended his hand to help Rose up and she looked up at his face and beamed.

"It is about time I went home." She told him as she accepted the hand.

OIOIOIOIOIOIOI

It was late when The Doctor and Rose got to Mickey's house. He opened the door right away, as if he had been expecting them. Rose stood awkwardly in the doorway as The Doctor pushed past Mickey, inviting himself into the house. Mickey stood with his arms folded watching Rose as she looked intently at her shoes.

"This is the time you come say goodbye, right?" Mickey asked her.

"Yeah." Rose didn't look up at him. "Probably for good this time."

"Don't worry Rose. I understand now why you have to go. Anyone could see that you weren't really living without him around." Rose finally looked at him, her head cocked to one side. "You were always there for me, Mickey. I don't know how I'm going to go on without you."

"You've got him. He's just as good."

Rose nodded lightly and the two were silent for a minute.

"There's no way I can ever thank you for what you've done."

"Then just be happy, yeah? Stay with him forever like you promised."

"Yeah." Rose gave a weak smile. "Exactly like I promised." Mickey moved slowly into the house and Rose followed, closing the door behind her. This was going to be a goodbye to remember. The Doctor and Mickey getting on? This was like some crazy world. She wondered briefly if The Doctor was freaking out Mickey's girlfriend. She also wondered what Mickey's girlfriend was like. This was definitely going to be the saddest goodbye she had ever had.

OIOIOIOIOIOIOIOI

"How did that goodbye turn into a party?" Rose giggled as she staggered into the TARDIS with The Doctor keeping her on her feet when they slipped out from underneath her. They had hardly reached the console before he finally had to slide her down onto the floor.

"And why - just because it is a party filled with people you don't know - do you feel the need to drink so much alcohol?" The Doctor asked as he smiled fondly at her.

"Are you kidding? That's one of the only things I'm going to miss about this universe. The beer gives a real kick."

"Don't worry. When we get back, I'll take you to Resiak. They really know how to party there."

"But do _you_ know how to party, Doctor? What am I going to do without a buddy to carry me along afterwards?"

"Of course I can party." The Doctor scoffed indignantly. I'm over 1000 years old and you don't think I can party? I could dance, couldn't I? I have had some wild parties over the years, Rose Tyler. I had a headache for weeks after the celebration party the people of Xerox threw me when I rescued their princess from a… well, you don't really want to know."

"No. Now I'm intrigued. Princess?" As Rose raised her eyebrows she seemed sober and The Doctor had to wonder if she was just putting on a big show so that he could half carry her all the way back to the TARDIS from Mickey's place.

"She wasn't my type." The Doctor shrugged nonchalantly as he pulled her to her feet roughly. "Now that you're more… clear-headed." Rose blushed a little under his glare. "We can get back to the task at hand… Getting home - which may be harder than it was to get here in the first place."

"Why?"

"Well, there is the fact that I've been here for quite a while, and the TARDIS hasn't moved in all that time…"

"Oh." Rose looked slightly embarrassed. "Sorry about that."

"Not a problem. That isn't really my major problem with getting back, anyway."

"And what is?"

The Doctor rubbed the back of his head.

"I really don't have the slightest clue how I got here in the first place."

* * *

**THE END**

**I am seriously serious here. For anyone who notices little details, you may have seen the 'complete' tacked on to my story. Yay! That makes two completed stories.**

**In saying this is the end, i also have to say that this is really NOT the end. I have another story coming your way as soon as i can get on the computer long enough to write it. it'll be called forever, and i really want to post it with this chapter, but then you wont get this chapter for a long while, because although i have a basic outline for the first chapter, it doesn't make sense.**

**So, if you're hoping to find out where Sim came from... i'll try to find an explanation soon (i have part of one, but not one i can put into words, so bear with me). If you want to leave it with a slightly annoying happy ending, leave it here and don't read any more. if you want to have a happier ending, complete with 'what's going on' complete craziness in a thrill ride of Forever, then read the sequel. (okay, just made that sound probably a hundred times more interesting than it is going to be) seriously, though. my sequel is going to go further into the unknown than this story, and it is completely different from anything else that i have ever read on this site. I'm going to go completely over the edge of reality (i think) so i'm just warning you.**

**_Before i say anything else, i have to thank all of my reviewers for this story because this would not have been a worthwhile story without you guys sticking around till the end._**

**RagamuffinSundrop, Tania, horsefly, HarryWhoFanatic, ScoutGirl, WhisperLuna, Jacqueline Roget, forestwife**

**Rach6,** **agapi16, ****Blaidd Drwg, timano, Logan's Lover, gaiafreedom21, floorpie, Steph, saiyamar, bexxy, Xevenof9, Gamine Madcap, ****BulgarianSeeker24 **

**so... anyway... if you're not happy with my ending, here is an alternate ending i had to include. This is compliments of Tania. Who i really have to thank AGAIN, because without her, this story would probably have been... less thrilling. hehe. seriously, Tania helped me - usually with some witty comment, or the choosing of words, or names (planet names in this chapter - blame Tania) and THIS is her alternate ending...**

* * *

**I've done a bit of editing Tania. Sorry.**

The Doctor embraced Rose as they strode together down the empty streets towards the TARDIS. Rose stopped him.

Rose grabbed a hold of his head and kissed him. When The Doctor responded after a split second, they kissed passionately for a few minutes.

"You taste like fish and chips". Rose whispered to his lips when they pulled apart.

"I had it for lunch". The Doctor told her. "Remeber? It was before that roast that your mother insisted we eat."

Rose laughed and pulled away from him.

"Take me with you in the TARDIS" She said.

"OK".

The End."

* * *

**And with that. See you next time. Remember this is your last chance to review, and i've given you a lot to review about. I only need 22 reviews to get to 200, so if i have more than 22 readers - even if you don't say much - i just want to say i got to 200 reviews. it would make me ecstatically happy.**

**_Mikkifavo_**


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